Mentem's Blog Talk

Is it Wrong to be Sensitive?

Tue, 21 Apr 2026 03:58:14 GMT

Amongst my family and friends, I was always known as the “sensitive” one. The first time I heard it, I felt hurt because who wants to be called sensitive? It made me feel exposed and vulnerable to others, like a frog being discovered under a flipped rock. I never understood why I felt the way I did whenever I was labelled as that. Maybe the stigma of women being too emotional got to me, despite the fact that I was young and naïve. As I grew up and experienced more in life, there was one thing I am and will be grateful for – my strength of feeling everything too deeply.

I’m sure it may have ticked some people off when they’re called sensitive during a disagreement. The thought of people looking down on you for getting hurt over something that’s valid enough for you feels degrading. This exact thought comes into my mind at times when I actually sit back and process things.

It made me wonder,

“Why is it a bad thing to feel hurt?”

“Is it not human enough to have emotions?”

Though I’d admit that sometimes it does get the best of me because I shouldn’t take it too heart for something that everyone goes through. Maybe it still sticks with me, but now it’s different, knowing I am able to reassure myself. I remembered how tough it was whenever I argued with someone I’m close to. Though I was never called sensitive, when I processed the disagreement, most of the memory that lingers was how many times I cried. It made me feel worse, especially knowing that it had happened on more than one occasion.

There was a blog post that stuck with me recently, and it argued that feeling things too deeply isn’t a character flaw; it just means that our heart is awake and “aware”. It took me a while to fully understand, despite how easy it was for me to read, but reading that has completely changed my perspective on being too sensitive. Getting too emotional was never a sign of weakness, but a sign of tenderness. At first, when I understood what it meant, it made me feel a bit upset because I wished this reassurance had come earlier; then maybe I wouldn’t regret the things I had said or done.

However, things happened on their own time.

It may look easy with how I overcame it, but when I decide to let it sit, I realise it was a long journey. It didn’t take a week for me to feel proud, but years. It probably went throughout my life living on this earth, and that is still something I’m content to look back on and forward with the rest of my life.

So, is it wrong to be sensitive? Well, that depends on how you view it. Personally, for me, it was and will never be wrong, and it should never let it get to you. Maybe we weren’t supposed to be less sensitive but learn how to protect our softness without rushing to hide it.

The weight of saying ‘No’

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 09:25:15 GMT

No. Just a two-letter word that is simple to some but complicated to others. Oftentimes, those letters will shift from ‘no’ into an ‘ok’. Signaling that the person will conform to the wants or requests of others, despite their internal reluctance. But how does this basic word weigh more than it should have? Perhaps, it’s done out of kindness. Or possibly to ensure everyone is pleased?

Looking back, I have always tried my hardest to make those around me like me . Most of the time, this effort of mine will override my own boundaries. From prioritising others’ needs and feelings, to avoiding making any decisions. All just for some validation and approval. So, wanting to say no will usually result in a yes, or worse, a never-ending loop of justifications. At this point, it is no longer about trying to be kind but more about being seen as kind.

The realisation of my true intentions hit when a friend of mine asked a very simple question. “Do you think you’re nice?” This question stumped me. Am I nice? Truthfully, there are moments when I notice some hypocrisy in the conflicts between my mind and body. For instance, agreeing with opinions that oppose my real principles and beliefs or going along with the plans I dreaded. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be on everybody’s good side. Yet, this pattern actually consumed my inner peace and joy, leaving me constantly anxious over my words, my next move as well as my relationships. And the fear of being rejected by those around me built up heavier over time.

Until one day, I stumbled across a mental health post about ‘people pleasers’, defined as prioritising others' needs and desires over your own to gain approval or maintain relationships . Reading through it felt like I was looking in a mirror. Every sign was checked off the list.

Struggle to say no and set boundaries? Checked.

Over-apologises even when not at fault? Checked.

Suppress authentic opinions and feelings? Checked.

Seek constant approval? Checked.

Checks after checks. Researching this unfamiliar term was a turning point. Learning what “people-pleasing” actually meant helped me see how much I was putting my mental well-being, self-esteem and authenticity in jeopardy. The years of exhaustion suddenly clicked into focus. This wasn’t “just being nice,” it was hurting me and straining my relationships.

Now, have I flipped the switch? To tell the truth, no. The changes were not instant or magic. It is a learning journey that I am still working hard on. There are a few small intentional steps I have practiced daily, in an effort to reduce my people-pleasing tendency. Starting with giving honest opinions instead of a lengthy explanation and excuses. Asking myself what I really want . Then, adding some tiny ‘no’s to simple questions. My previous non-existent boundaries are finally seeing the light.

Yes, the guilt still lingers sometimes but my counselor's words stick. ‘Self-care is not selfish. It is a matter of you protecting yourself without harming others’ . So, every day I am reminded that it is okay to put myself first. It is okay to tell the truth. It is okay to be rejected. It is okay to say no . These progressive shifts made me less anxious about how people might perceive me. Even the war between my mind and body found its peace. Most importantly, the weight of 'no' lightens over time.

But what about the others? No. What about you? That inner voice of yours questioning everyone else's needs? It's the last echo of people-pleasing. Boundaries don't push people away. They clear room for real presence, deeper connections, and kindness that starts from a steady place within. Your turn to lighten that weight will come one step at a time.

How Challenges Shaped Our Character?

Mon, 27 Oct 2025 05:33:55 GMT

How Challenges Shaped Our Character?

Who Do We Become Through Struggles?

As once a wise man said, “Our ability to handle life’s challenges is a measure of our strength, our character.” Now, have you ever asked yourself, 'What makes me the person that I am today?” As we all know, there are times when we go easily, but there are things that aren’t easy, and that’s what you call a challenge. We might think that we may or may not overcome it, but actually, we’re able to conquer it.

All of us have gone through hardships that, sometimes, when things don’t go according to plan, we’d feel down. And why is that? It’s because we’ve always expected our plans to go smoothly when, actually, challenges do appear in our lives to change us for the better. The connection between challenge and character is powerful- one puts us to the test, and the other helps us grow. So, despite everything, no matter what, none of us can run away from the challenges because without experiencing them, our character wouldn’t be shaped.

The Relationship Between Character and Challenges

Have you ever had a thought or wondered what makes “me”? Here, we will discuss it. So, what makes “me” question is a part of character because from your character, you’ll know and will get the answer to the question. Character is not something we are born with. Through challenges, we make ourselves strong, brave, and patient. We push ourselves to overcome obstacles when we think it’s impossible. That’s where our character begins to shape.

Challenges in our lives are like a mirror. When we face them, they reflect our true selves. Challenges are also like a fireball because we tend to explode when we experience a challenge. Through failure, we gain endurance. We learn to forgive when we are hurt. Slowly, our character will change from one to another after facing any challenge. We may not notice it now, but we will eventually.

A Personal Challenge That Shaped My Character

Each of us has certainly faced challenges that have shaped our character and helped us become who we are today. I have experienced this myself, and it taught me not only one of the biggest lessons in my life so far, but also the importance of staying strong. The challenge I faced was when I fractured my ankle when I was playing badminton, my favorite sport. It might not seem like much to some, but it was definitely challenging for me and had a great impact, shaping my character into who I am today. I was rebellious in everything that I do. Very stubborn. I struggled for months and couldn’t walk on my own for a while, which limited my movement. At first, I started to doubt myself whether or not I’ll be able to play badminton, or in fact, any sport. I went for physiotherapy for 3 months to regain my balance and be able to perform a few basic things, such as jumping, walking steadily, and walking on my own. One day, I realized that hope had always been within me — it just took me some time to see it. A light of hope that I would once again be able to play badminton and perform day-to-day tasks without any assistance. Without that hope, I wouldn’t be standing still like I am today. Ever since then, I’ve held on to that hope.

Lessons Learnt from the Experience

It has never occurred to me that this challenge is a burden, but instead, I took it as a lesson. I was never a patient person, but this challenge made me patient. Being patient became crucial, and I realised how important it is to look after one’s body and not push oneself too far because that’s what I always do by pushing my limits in everything that I do. I learned patience and self-awareness from the injury — an experience that helped shape my character. I realized that failures are a necessary part of growth. Looking back, it was not just a challenging moment but an important one in my life. This challenge is a reminder to me that, despite the pain and the struggle that I was experiencing, it is a part of the progress in forming my character.

A Moment of Reflection

What if? What if I had not experienced this challenge? Would I have the resilience? The patience? All these “What if” questions were wandering around my head throughout my recovery journey. Initially, I was clueless about what was going on with me. Still, yes, slowly I understood that and have the belief that if this challenge had not happened to me, my character would still be the same- stubborn, impatient, and rebellious.

Enduring Challenges, Strengthening Character

In the end, challenges are not meant to break us but to shape us into who we are today. They test our character, strengthen it, and prepare us for everything that awaits.

A reminder that everyone should take is that no matter what comes between you and your inner self, always know that there’s always good in it, and perhaps, through obstacles, your character will rise and change. So, the challenge that I faced shaped me into who I am and how I am today, and I’ve gotten answers to my “What if” questions.

Once a girl who thanked the pain for teaching her resilience…

Why Sadness Feels Safer

Thu, 19 Jun 2025 10:01:33 GMT

Growing up, I was an adventurous kid—curious, always eager to explore the world around me. I didn’t have to try to laugh. It came freely, like second nature.

However, something changed during secondary school, though I can’t quite pinpoint an exact moment or trigger. I became more self-conscious, more withdrawn. It was as if someone had turned on a spotlight inside me, making me painfully aware of every word I spoke, every facial expression I made, every interaction I had. My mind became a constant storm of “Am I too much?” “Did I say something wrong?” “Do they think I’m weird?”

This shift didn’t just happen in school; it was mirrored at home too. It was hard to open up to my parents. While I know they love me in their own way, emotions were never something we talked about. Raised in a culture where emotional expression isn’t something openly taught or talked about, my parents often struggled to respond to feelings with much sensitivity or understanding. The family dynamics were also tense, not always visibly, but you could feel the tension. As an only child, I had no one else to confide in. Over time, I learned to tiptoe around my own emotions. I didn’t want to burden others, and I certainly didn’t want to be misunderstood. So I stopped trying.

Somehow, sadness became familiar. It started to feel like a warm blanket—a space where I didn’t have to pretend, didn’t have to explain myself. It was predictable. Unlike happiness, which made me nervous. It felt unstable, like holding something too fragile. If I allowed myself to be happy, it would eventually be gone anyway. I didn’t trust it would stay.
I knew it was unhealthy. I knew I was stuck. But it wasn’t something I could just snap out of. I tried therapy. I tried medication. Both helped in some ways, but neither completely erased the heaviness I carried. It was persistent. Invisible to others, but deeply felt within me.

Studying psychology became a turning point. I wasn’t just drawn to the subject out of academic interest, I was actually searching for answers. During one of my courses, I came across the concept of learned helplessness, a theory developed by psychologist Martin Seligman. It described how, after repeated exposure to uncontrollable stress or failure, animals and people may stop trying altogether, even when the circumstances change.

I also remember reading about an experiment named “Fleas in a Jar”. Normally, fleas can jump up to 30cm high. However, in this study, scientists placed them in a jar with a lid that was just 10cm tall. At first, the fleas kept trying, they hit the lid over and over again. But after a few days, they gave up. They stopped jumping past the 10cm mark, even when the lid was removed. Even when freedom was right there, they didn’t try anymore.

I saw myself in those fleas. After years of failed attempts to be understood, to express myself without fear or shame, I began to believe that trying was pointless. I would just say, “This is just how I am.” But what if it’s not who you are, just who you’ve become? What if we’re just jumping 10cm high, not realising the lid is already gone?

There is one more layer to all this—something I continue to unlearn. I carry guilt for expressing my emotions. Even now, when I open up to someone, I replay the conversation repeatedly, wondering if I overshared or made them uncomfortable. Shame has a way of lingering, even when we logically know we did nothing wrong.

But here’s the thing I’m slowly learning: sadness doesn’t have to be a home, just a resting place. And feeling deeply isn’t a weakness—it’s proof that you’re alive. Maybe healing isn’t about running away from sadness, but about learning to sit beside it... without letting it consume you.

Sadness built me a shelter. But I’m learning how to open the windows—little by little. It’s not something I’ll unlearn overnight. It’s a lifelong journey, and I’m learning to be okay with that. I’m excited to see where this takes me.
The fearless child I once was may not be gone forever.

She may just be waiting patiently for permission to feel safe again.

The Day I Realised I Was My Own Worst Critic

Mon, 09 Dec 2024 02:13:38 GMT

Being a teenager isn’t easy. You're stuck trying to figure out who you are while constantly sizing yourself up against your friends, those influencers you see online, or even random people you come across. But what I didn’t get back then was that the hardest critic of all wasn’t anyone else—it was me. The day it finally hit me how tough I was being on myself changed everything.

For the longest time, I didn’t really think much about how I viewed myself; just kind of assumed this is the way everyone feels — awkward, unsure, and constantly second-guessing all the time. Then it finally hit me like a ton of bricks one day: this was not just normal, customary self-doubting at the age of a teenager. I was my own critic. I did not need an enemy because I was doing a good enough job on myself.

The Constant Pressure to Be Perfect

I only really realised it in retrospect; however, it has always been there. It accompanies every decision I make with an internal commentary. Did I say the wrong thing? Am I embarrassing myself? Why did I choose this outfit? The questions were endless. I would replay my mistakes over and over in my mind, imagining every way I could have done things differently. I would watch everyone else around me, and they were together and sorted, so why couldn't I?

I always believed that I must be hard on myself to improve; how else could I do so? But now, it is not even about improvement-it is just constant perfectionism. It applied to all areas-in school, with friends, and in my day-to-day life. I felt as though I was always falling short. The saddest part, of course, is that if I were imperfect, I was supposed to be worthless.

The Breaking Point

Thus came the breaking point with a crafting project at the national level, a project I was working on with my teammates. We were straight engaged in it for twelve days, pouring every ounce of effort for everything to go perfect. Each of us did a part, and mine was one of them, and as the day for presentation struck slowly nearer, I got it into my mind my work was the weakest. Even after spending days tweaking it, the absolute feeling of inadequacy could not be shaken off. Everyone around me, my best mates in particular, was reassuring me that this, indeed, was the best of all--so much so that they were very sure it would win the competition for us.

Well, I did not believe what they said. To me, I thought they were just trying to support where they could and that the pressure to make everything perfect had gotten the better of me. I never saw myself as being able to meet the high marks I set for myself. I did not appear on the day of the presentation just because I simply could not tackle that one.

I was very shocked to discover that my team had won the championship prize and credited my part as the reason for their winning it. That was the moment I realised something very profound: I had been wrong. My work had not been the worst; it was precisely what the project needed. And more amazing? I made even a bigger difference than I thought.

Keeping My Expectation Low & Considering Myself A Failure

And there have been moments when I didn't feel even remotely suited for anything related to success and began to settle in disappointment over self and manage lower expectations simply because it would save from the painful experience of failure. I created the philosophy of "low-emotional-involvement" because, at the core, it would mean not expecting much. Unfortunately, this thinking had a reverse effect-the feeling like a failure came first even before trying out anything. I stopped setting extremely high bars because of fear that I would miss and instead managed to convince myself that playing it small was safe. In reality, I was only subjugating myself.

The thought roamed my mind that I may not be good enough for success, friendship, or anything that I wanted. That doubt in oneself spread through everything that I did. Most often, I would say: I'm just a loser. I just don't care anymore. I would call myself a failure again and again until I believed it. I didn't even try because I didn't think my efforts would make much of an impact. I had stopped believing in my inherent potential, which, I feel, was the worst feeling of all.

It Took Longer Than I Expected

It took me longer than I would like to admit to finally understand that I was my biggest obstacle. I was a teenager at the time, and I was trying to discover who I was and where I belonged in the world. Further complicating things, I sought validation from others as I was not secure enough about my identity. But the hardest part was not just letting go of the fear of failure — it was learning to accept myself as I was. Imperfections and all.

It didn’t happen overnight. Criticism had always been equated in my mind with me growing. Now, unlearning that took years, and believing that it meant I was growing personally. Mistakes were not an indication of who I am, but of what improvements there were yet to be found in me. And then slowly, but surely, I started to shift that though process.
A New Perspective: Embracing Imperfection

Finally, I began concentrating less on those things that I could not do very well and instead on what I was doing successfully. I learned to celebrate all the little wins that would allow me to turn in an assignment, have a good conversation with a friend, or just keep showing up every day. I realised that mistakes were not the end of the world: they were part of the process.

I also learned to ask myself: “would I treat a friend this way?” If a friend were struggling with self-doubt, I would not criticise them for it. I would remind them of all the amazing things they were doing. So, why wasn’t I doing that for myself?

The Road Ahead

I will not say that I've completely eliminated the criticising voice inside my head. It does still enter in my life now and then. But these days, I see it as simply something that can be understood and understood not as an inner truth. I'm learning to give myself permission to indulge in imperfection, make mistakes, and learn from them without judging myself-it really took long, longer than most people would expect.

I am beginning to figure this out for myself-actually more slowly than anyone else would think. I can see myself in a gradually better light. And believe me, I know I am not on the journey alone. So, if you're reading this and think you are your own worst critic, let me tell you-you don't have to be. Be as nice to yourself as you want to acknowledge the fact that you're allowed to make mistakes, but you know you can still be great anyway.

And that is something I wish I could realise as much earlier as possible.

ADHD: The Superpower You Didn’t Know You Had

Mon, 30 Sep 2024 07:45:52 GMT

Ever find yourself daydreaming in the middle of a meeting or struggling to focus on a single task? While occasional lapses in attention and focus are common, ADHD—Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder—is more than just a fleeting distraction. It’s a neurodevelopmental condition marked by a persistent pattern of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that significantly impairs daily functioning. Unlike the momentary distractions most people experience, ADHD involves a chronic and pervasive impact on various aspects of life, influencing how individuals manage tasks, maintain relationships, and navigate their environment.

So, What’s ADHD Anyway?

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by persistent inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. It often begins in childhood and can manifest as difficulties with focus, sitting still, and behavior regulation. In children, these symptoms frequently disrupt academic performance and social interactions. For instance, a child with ADHD might struggle to complete assignments, follow instructions, or maintain friendships, which can lead to challenges in school and at home. Early diagnosis and intervention are crucial in managing these symptoms effectively. A combination of medication, behavioral therapy, and support from family and professionals can significantly improve a child's ability to function and thrive in various aspects of life.

While ADHD often begins in childhood, its effects can continue into adulthood. In adults, ADHD can impact job performance, organizational skills, and relationships. Adults with ADHD may find it challenging to manage time, stay organized, and maintain focus on tasks, which can affect their career progression and personal relationships. The persistent nature of ADHD symptoms requires ongoing management, and treatment strategies may include medication, therapy, and lifestyle adjustments. With appropriate support and interventions, adults with ADHD can learn to harness their strengths and improve their overall quality of life.

Spotting the Signs: What to Look For

ADHD symptoms typically fall into three main types:

Inattention : often leads to frequent forgetfulness and difficulty focusing. At work, this might mean missing deadlines or having disorganized tasks. In school, it can result in problems with completing assignments and staying engaged. In personal relationships, inattention can lead to forgotten commitments and disrupted conversations as those with ADHD might struggle to stay focused on what the other person is saying. They may become easily distracted or start thinking about something else, which can make them miss important details or lose track of the conversation. This can make conversations seem disjointed and lead to misunderstandings, as they might not fully follow or remember what was discussed (American Psychiatric Association, 2013)

Hyperactivity : often involves excessive fidgeting, difficulty sitting still, and a constant need to move. At work, this might lead to restlessness or an inability to stay seated for long periods, which can affect productivity and task completion. In school, hyperactivity can manifest as difficulty remaining seated during lessons or an urge to frequently get up, which can disrupt both learning and classroom dynamics. In personal relationships, hyperactivity can result in a tendency to interrupt conversations, difficulty waiting for one's turn, and a general sense of restlessness. During conversations, hyperactivity can cause issues because an individual with ADHD might have trouble staying still and focused, often appearing impatient or overly energetic. This restlessness can make it difficult for them to engage fully in a discussion, as they may struggle to remain seated or concentrate on what is being said. As a result, their constant movement and inability to stay calm can disrupt the flow of conversation and make interactions feel less coherent (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

Impulsivity : involves making hasty decisions without considering the consequences, interrupting others, and acting on immediate urges. At work, this might lead to rushing tasks without proper planning or making snap decisions that can affect the quality of work. In school, impulsivity can result in blurting out answers before questions are fully asked or difficulty waiting for one’s turn during group activities. In personal relationships, impulsivity can cause problems such as interrupting conversations, making inappropriate comments, or acting without thinking about how it might affect others. In conversations, impulsivity can disrupt interactions because an individual with ADHD might interrupt frequently or speak out of turn without waiting for their turn. This can lead to fragmented discussions and misunderstandings, as they may not fully consider the impact of their words or actions before speaking. Their tendency to act quickly on impulses can make it challenging to maintain a smooth and respectful flow in conversations (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Understanding these symptoms and their effects on work, school, and relationships is essential for effective management and support.

Understanding this distinction is crucial as we delve into the idea that ADHD, despite its challenges, can also be associated with remarkable strengths. When we refer to ADHD as a "superpower," we’re not downplaying the difficulties it presents, but rather emphasizing the unique qualities that often accompany it. According to Hoogman et al. (2020), people with ADHD frequently exhibit extraordinary creativity, a remarkable ability to think outside the box, and enhanced problem-solving skills. Their tendency for hyperfocus allows them to delve deeply into interests and projects with exceptional enthusiasm and dedication. Additionally, their ability to shift attention rapidly can foster impressive adaptability and innovation. By acknowledging these traits as superpowers, we can reframe the narrative to celebrate the distinctive advantages that ADHD can offer, turning perceived challenges into powerful assets.

Who’s Affected?

ADHD symptoms can affect people at any stage of life, but it is most commonly diagnosed in childhood (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). Early identification is essential as it allows for timely intervention and management tailored to developmental needs. Tailored to developmental needs means that interventions and strategies are customized based on the individual’s age, cognitive abilities, and emotional and social development. For instance, younger children may benefit from behavioral therapies that focus on building routines and social skills, while older children might need academic support and strategies to improve organizational skills and manage homework (Wolraich et al., 2019). By addressing the specific challenges associated with each developmental stage, interventions can be more effective in helping children manage ADHD symptoms and support their overall growth (National Institute of Mental Health, 2020). While boys are more frequently diagnosed, girls with ADHD may exhibit different symptoms, such as daydreaming or internalized difficulties, which can be less noticeable (Wolraich et al., 2019). According to the National Institute of Mental Health (2022), this variation in presentation can sometimes lead to underdiagnosis in females. Recognizing these diverse symptoms is crucial for accurate diagnosis and effective intervention.

How ADHD Affects the Brain

Key areas in the brain that are involved in the presentation of ADHD include:

Prefrontal Cortex : This brain area is essential for organizing, planning, and controlling impulses. In ADHD, reduced activity in the prefrontal cortex disrupts these executive functions, making tasks like managing time and setting goals more challenging (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).

Dopamine : Dopamine is a key neurotransmitter involved in the brain’s reward system and motivation. It regulates feelings of pleasure and reinforces behaviors that lead to positive outcomes. Research shows that individuals with ADHD often exhibit altered dopamine functioning, which can contribute to challenges in attention and motivation (Biederman & Faraone, 2005). Understanding dopamine's role is essential in addressing various behavioral and mental health issues.

Neural Networks : ADHD affects the brain's attention and cognitive control networks, leading to abnormalities in the connectivity of the default mode network (DMN). This disruption can impair focus and increase susceptibility to distractions, as the brain struggles to transition between restful and goal-directed states. (Castellanos & Aoki, 2016)

Recognizing these brain-based differences helps in developing more effective treatments and support strategies for managing ADHD such as behavioural therapy, medication, and mindfulness and relaxation techniques.

Need Support?

Think you or someone you know might have ADHD? Seeking help from a healthcare professional is a crucial first step. With appropriate strategies and interventions, ADHD can be managed effectively, turning potential challenges into opportunities for growth. To start, consult with a mental healthcare provider, such as a psychologist, or psychiatrist, who can guide you through the process of diagnosis and treatment.

At Mentem, we offer a comprehensive range of services for individuals navigating ADHD, starting with a diagnostic interview conducted by our clinical psychologist. Following this, we provide screening and assessment tools to evaluate ADHD symptoms and any co-occurring conditions. Based on the diagnosis, we collaborate with clients to develop tailored treatment recommendations, which may include therapy sessions designed to help manage symptoms effectively such as building specific skills. We cater to all age groups, ensuring that both children and adults receive the support they need. Ongoing support is a priority at Mentem; we provide follow-up care to monitor progress and adjust treatment plans as necessary. To take the first step, scheduling an appointment is easy—just reach out via WhatsApp at 012-3661090. Let us help you turn challenges into opportunities for growth.

REFERENCES

Wolraich, M. L., Hagan, J. F., Allan, C., Chan, E., Davison, D., Earls, M., Evans, S. W., Flinn, S. K., Froehlich, T., Frost, J., Holbrook, J. R., Lehmann, C. U., Lessin, H. R., Okechukwu, K., Pierce, K. L., Winner, J. D., & Zurhellen, W. (2019). Clinical Practice Guideline for the Diagnosis, evaluation, and Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Children and Adolescents. PEDIATRICS, 144(4).

https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2019-2528

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. (2022). National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Biederman, J., & Faraone, S. V. (2005). Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. The Lancet, 366(9481), 237–248.

https://doi.org/10.1016/s0140-6736(05)66915-2

Castellanos, F. X., & Aoki, Y. (2016). Intrinsic Functional connectivity in Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder: a science in development. Biological Psychiatry Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging, 1(3), 253–261.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.bpsc.2016.03.004

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. (2020). National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd

Hoogman, M., Stolte, M., Baas, M., & Kroesbergen, E. (2020). Creativity and ADHD: A review of behavioral studies, the effect of psychostimulants and neural underpinnings. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 119, 66–85.

https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2020.09.029

A Closer Look at the Transition from a Medical Field to Psychology Field.

Tue, 16 Jan 2024 07:22:56 GMT

I was an adolescent when the world taught me how to stand on my own legs. Losing a loved one tore me down in many ways, making it clear to me that I have to be independent moving forward-Not because I was afraid of disappointing myself, but for my little family who means the world to me. So, I decided to be strong for their sake.

After completing my higher education, I decided to work part time as a nurse at a nearby clinic in order to be able to treat my family once in a while. Working there made me realize that I have an interest in drugs/medications and how they function in our bodies once ingested. That was when I had the idea of pursuing my degree in pharmacy. I also thought of gaining experience and exploring various fields before actually pursuing them. Hence, I decided to work at another place for a short while.

After a few months, I managed to find a vacancy at Mentem (a mental health care centre) for the position of an admin assistant. I wanted to give it a try, as I thought that the role would not be as hectic compared to my previous role. I also had a predetermined opinion that therapy might not be as effective as some people might say. Nevertheless, I decided to apply and got called in for an interview. By God’s grace, I got the job. Once I was actually offered the position, I had a bittersweet feeling since I had no idea what to expect. I was solely focused on being mentally prepared to learn the scope and duties of the role.

My first day made me feel like everyone else knew what they were doing except for me. I did not seem to understand what the psychologists were saying, as they were using some terms that I was not familiar with at the time. I didn’t struggle as much at the clinic as a nurse because, even before working there, I had made a few visits, which helped me get used to the terms utilized there. Mentem was the first mental health care centre that I had ever been to, and everything was very new to me. I was looking at our previous admin assistant in awe when she was able to understand the psychological terms that were being used in conversations. I was trying my best to absorb all of the information given in hopes of using it when necessary. After spending half the day at Mentem, I knew that I was wrong when I thought that there wouldn’t be much to learn as therapists don’t provide medications and prescriptions like doctors. There were lots of other ethics and criteria that I was supposed to be aware of instead.

With passing weeks, I kept getting advice from our director and clinical coordinator on quite a few matters. Ex; appropriate things to say to clients, types of clients that need additional attention, relevant information that clients should be aware of, etc. I doubted myself at that instant, thinking that this position might not be the one for me, and even thought of giving up as there were so many things that I needed to work on from square one. But I wanted to challenge myself by taking on this position. I took it as an opportunity to see my capability to adapt to a completely new setting and get the hang of a new job.

At one point in time, I discovered that every day is a learning process as I got familiar with how things work around here. I started understanding what the psychologists were talking about. I learned the appropriate way to talk to clients, and I was able to recognize some psychological disorders as well. Moreover, I was surprised by how well-known therapy is in society. It brought me an awareness of how helpful and life changing therapy can be, as I noticed clients coming in looking distressed and leaving Mentem with a hint of relief on their faces. It got me thinking that if I was aware of therapy and its effectiveness earlier in life, it might have been easier for me to tackle some of the things that shattered me emotionally. Having someone to listen to all of my worries and struggles could have helped me stabilize my emotions quicker.

Regardless, I am proud of myself for being able to endure the struggles and be where I am in life right now. I appreciate all the good souls around me who provided guidance when I desperately needed it. I am also grateful that we live in an era where therapy is becoming normalized. I hope more people will come to understand that there is no need to be hesitant to seek help. Instead of scrolling through social media and finding relatable quotes or memes to post when you are feeling down, try considering therapy. It might give you a chance to turn over a new leaf. Although it does sound cliché, truth be told, it is never too late to get help, and every effort counts.

Are parasocial relationships inherently bad?

Thu, 21 Apr 2022 07:05:47 GMT

In a time where connecting with people online can be done while you’re sitting on the toilet, it is no wonder that people are becoming increasingly reliant on online relationships for the emotional support that they require. What does this mean for us? From my experience with social media and livestreams, I think that this increased dependency is resulting in a growing number of people who are both knowingly and unknowingly forming parasocial relationships with the celebrities and influencers that they follow.

Before discussing parasocial relationships, we first have to define what a parasocial relationship is. A parasocial relationship is a one-sided relationship between a consumer and a media personality, where only the consumer thinks that there is an intimate connection, somewhat akin to friendship, between the two parties. How does such a relationship form? It first begins with parasocial interactions, which are events where the follower feels that the media personality is personally addressing them. Over time, the follower may feel closer to and more emotionally invested in the media personality, forming a parasocial relationship.

As an example, I myself have been in a parasocial relationship. I frequently use Twitch, a platform where influencers can stream what they are doing live. Unlike traditional media, streamers can interact with their audience by reading what the audience types in chat in real-time and responding directly to those messages. In my opinion, this motivates people to type in the chat in the hope of interacting with the streamer, and that is what I did. After the streamer read and responded to my messages, I felt that I was acknowledged and that I had become closer to them. As a result of this, I would always be interested in the latest news about the streamer, from their latest accomplishments to whatever drama that they got themselves involved in. Do I feel that this pattern of behavior was unhealthy for me? Not really. I would only invest time into following this streamer when I was bored, and I do not think that it affected my daily life in any way or form.

As such, this begs the question: are parasocial interactions and relationships (PIRs) inherently negative? From my browsing of modern discourse, PIRs are often viewed in a negative light, without any redeeming factors. In contrast, PIRs have been found to decrease loneliness and supplement people’s social needs (Jarzyna, 2021). This property of PIRs is especially useful in situations where it is hard to build connections and form genuine relationships, for example when most people were in lockdown due to the recent pandemic. It can also be beneficial for those with difficulties in developing genuine relationships. For these people, PIRs can serve to compensate for these internal social deficits. As such, PIRs can be beneficial to people, and are not inherently bad.

However, there is a reason why PIRs are often viewed in a negative light. In some cases, PIRs can negatively affect the overall wellbeing of the people involved. For example, PIRs may develop into celebrity worship, where one becomes overly-obsessed with the personal details of the celebrity’s life, which can become an unhealthy addiction (McCutcheon et al., 2002). PIRs can also affect real-life relationships. In a study by Adam (2019), partners of those involved in PIRs were found to perceive PIRs as being hurtful. PIRs were seen as romantic betrayal, making the partner feel inadequate. This was especially so in committed relationships, where PIRs were seen as acts of infidelity. These findings suggest that PIRs have the potential to negatively affect people.

One might argue that these downsides are not that severe. However, in my opinion, another downside of PIRs is that followers that have developed PIRs with media personalities can be easily taken advantage of by said media personalities. I have seen media personalities promising a chance for their followers to get closer to them, whether that be by giving them opportunities to privately contact them or get exclusive access to certain perks, in exchange for money or even working under them for free. Media personalities may even pretend to be poor or single to further prey on their followers’ parasocial tendencies. This can lead to situations where the personality is found to be lying, resulting in a lot of their followers feeling hurt, even potentially feeling like they are going through a break-up (Hu, 2016).

To conclude, PIRs are not inherently bad. However, they do have the potential to negatively affect our overall well being. As such, it is better to recognize any potential PIRs that we may be developing. By becoming aware of our dependency on these personalities to fulfill our social needs, we can take steps to limit how they can affect us.

References

Derrick, J. L., Gabriel, S., & Tippin, B. (2008). Parasocial relationships and self‐discrepancies: Faux relationships have benefits for low self‐esteem individuals. Personal Relationships, 15(2), 261-280.

Hu, M. (2016). The influence of a scandal on parasocial relationship, parasocial interaction, and parasocial breakup. Psychology of Popular Media Culture, 5(3), 217–231.

Jarzyna, C. L. (2021). Parasocial interaction, the COVID-19 quarantine, and digital age media. Human Arenas, 4(3), 413-429.

McCutcheon, L. E., Lange, R., & Houran, J. (2002). Conceptualization and measurement of celebrity worship. British Journal of Psychology, 93(1), 67–87.

Body Shaming: I wish I looked like…

Mon, 28 Mar 2022 08:41:32 GMT

Have you ever scrolled through Instagram and come across your favourite celebrity's post and hear a voice in your head saying “I wish my body was like hers”, or “I wish I had that body”? If your answer is a YES, then believe me when I say you are not the only one. However, there are situations where the same celebrities we idolized are also being criticized by how they look. For example, when they look chubbier or there are visible scars on their body. I am sure many of us have come across comments on social media posts of these celebrities, some of which can be so offensive. These behaviors do not only happen on social media but it is also openly practiced in magazines, newspapers, television shows, movies, and conversations between friends.

What is body shaming?

The act of body shaming happens in multiple ways, such as when a person either criticizes their own appearance due to judgments made by others, or another type of body shaming would be by criticizing someone else’s appearance either in front of them, or behind their backs. Question is, why does 'body shaming' happen and what do we need to know about it?

Body shaming happens when someone criticizes either directly or in public(eg:social media and magazines) on their body weight of either being “too fat” or “too skinny”. This act is also a form of bullying. This act, unfortunately, is not only faced by adults but also by children who are still schooling. It happens to both men and women of any shapes and sizes. Some may claim these criticisms are just “jokes” but little do they realize that these “jokes” can cause negative effects on the victims’ emotional and mental state. A few research has shown that body shaming increases eating problems. Body shaming causes an individual to eat more and put on extra weight. On the other hand, when someone is told continuously that he/she is fat, they might also start eating less due to the fear and stress of putting on more weight. Either way, the act of ‘body shaming’ causes unhealthy and negative effects on the individuals being targeted and so if they are not being properly addressed, this can also affect their long-term mental and physical well being.

How does body shaming sound like?

Zendaya
During the 2015 Oscars, Zendaya was made fun of by Giuliana Rancic, a host from the Fashion Police show. Zendaya was commented on her locs, saying it made her look like she smelled like patchouli oil and weed. Zendaya in return posted a lengthy post in Instagram

"Someone said something about my hair at the Oscars that left me in awe. Not because I was relishing in rave outfit reviews, but because I was hit with ignorant slurs and pure disrespect."

Taylor Swift
Taylor had once mentioned in her documentary that people created rumors about her being pregnant because of her tummy that stuck out a little. Swift admitted these comments triggered her to the point where she would starve a little.She also mentioned that its horrifying what the media has done to her.

Selena Gomez
Selena was photographed in a bikini by paparazzi’s and they went on and on in headlines about the weight she had gained. This took Selena aback as she has spoken about her chronic illness and how it affects her mental health, which is what contributes to her fluctuating weight.

Rihanna
In 2017, an article entitled 'Is Rihanna Going to Make Being Fat the Hot New Trend?' was written by a sports journalist.

Tyra Banks
Tyra, a top model, was once blasted for gaining weight in tabloids, with a picture of her in a bathing suit. Tyra shut paparazzi’s down by wearing the same bathing suit on her show and calling them out for always waiting to capture people's worst possible angles and making money out of it.

What can be done about body-shaming?

1. Stop body shaming yourself
People tend to have bad days, and everyone wishes to change something about themselves. It is important for each and everyone to accept themselves for what they look like, because in the end , all that matters is that he/she is healthy. Never condemn yourself on how you look. Sometimes, despite being confident about the way you look, there are people out there who are ever ready to pass unnecessary comments and judgements on how you look. In such situations, choose to walk away from the situation and continue to do things that make you feel good about yourself.

2. Don’t join in
In certain situations, you may have encountered body shaming regularly, and might have been part of it without realizing it. It is best to avoid joining in such behaviors completely, no matter who the person is, be it friends or family. Instead, advise those who do it to stop, make them realize the consequences of body shaming comments, especially on social media. If you are to come across any social media post or comment that contributes to body shaming, do not hesitate to report it or even flag it for inappropriate content.

3.Celebrate what you have
With the presence of social media, it is very easy for one to feel upset about how they look, be it their body shape, their facial features, etc. It is important to be thankful for what you have been gifted with and celebrate what you have. Wear anything that makes you feel good in your own skin. Remember, life isn’t about perfection. It's about feeling perfect even with your imperfections. So never be ashamed to embrace your imperfections. Find something that makes you YOU and celebrate it.

"Group Polarisation: An Online Menace"

Tue, 15 Mar 2022 06:11:01 GMT

Russia’s recent invasion of Ukraine was an event that shocked the world. Many people have banded together online in a united effort to condemn the actions of Vladimir Putin and to stop this war. As part of this movement, people have been calling for companies to stop doing business in Russia. For example, an article in the Washington Examiner documents that #BoycottCocaCola was trending on Twitter in response to Coca-Cola’s continued operations in Russia (Kerr, 2022). However, with the sanctions from the EU and their removal from SWIFT, the provider of international financial transactions, Russia’s economy is already under a lot of pressure. In my opinion, stopping these companies from operating in Russia would make more of an impact on the everyday lives of its citizens than on stopping the war. As such, I see the call for many companies to stop doing business with Russia as a case of online discourse becoming more and more extreme as time passes.

In social psychology, this would be classified as a case of group polarization, which is a phenomenon where the group members’ attitudes shift towards a more extreme point after interacting with each other. An example of this would be the experiment by Myers and Kaplan (1976), where participants were asked to be part of a mock jury. Participants first gave their judgments on eight cases before discussing half of those cases with the other subjects. After the discussions, they were found to be more extreme in their judgments, becoming more harsh when the case was highly incriminating and more lenient when the case was less incriminating.

In my opinion, group polarization was not much of an issue before, as groups of like-minded people could not often meet up due to the constraints of time and distance. However, in the era of social media, it is extremely easy to meet and interact with like-minded people. In addition to that, people do not even need to be online at the same time as discourse can still occur by just leaving a comment or tweeting at one’s own convenience, leading to group polarization.

For the reasons mentioned above, I think that social media is the perfect breeding ground for group polarization, and from my own experience this is a problem that has already manifested itself online. Take Twitter for example. The platform is filled with a countless number of groups that all have beef with each other due to being unable to find a middle ground because of the extreme stances that they all take. Some users have even begun to develop a mentality where you are either with us or against us, unable to see the world in anything other than black and white.

One might argue that because of how easy it is to access information on the internet, people would have many opportunities to interact with different political perspectives online than they do offline. In theory, this should prevent the formation of echo chambers, environments where people are only exposed to perspectives that agree with their own, and prevent group polarization from occurring. However, in a study by Hong and Kim (2016), they found that the Twitter accounts of politicians with extreme political ideologies had more followers than their more moderate peers, suggesting that polarization does occur online. This may be due to confirmation bias, where people tend to look for evidence to substantiate their own beliefs. As such, I believe that people intentionally avoid exposing themselves to a wide range of opinions, instead forming echo chambers around themselves.

From what I have seen, group polarization has negative effects. There is the risk of groupthink, which traditionally means that there is a higher chance of a group making more extreme and risky decisions. In an online setting, I feel that group members do not interact for the purpose of making decisions, but rather to know what each other is thinking to get a feel of the general consensus. As such, groupthink still occurs via members of the group not raising any concerns about the current discourse, for fear of being perceived as going against the group. As a result of this, the perceived group consensus may not actually be representative of what each member thinks. An experiment by Guilbeault et al. (2021) has shown how easily it is for a consensus to affect what individuals think the correct opinion to have is, and I think that groupthink affects individuals in a similar manner. As a consequence of this, I think that group members may share opinions online that they later regret (Neil, 2017).

In addition to this, I feel that individuals who fall prey to group polarization are more likely to argue online, negatively affecting their mental health. I think that because they hold more extreme positions, it will be more likely for them to find people who disagree with them, and a little disagreement is often enough for an online squabble to begin. In a survey by Tait (2016), 35.8% of respondents said that online arguments affected their mental health. In addition to that, 2.6% of respondents felt the urge to harm themselves after engaging in online arguments and 11% responded that online arguments made their pre-existing mental health conditions worse. This hints at the notion that group polarization can be detrimental to one’s mental health.

To avoid these consequences, how should group polarization be presented? An easy way to do so would be to avoid creating an echo chamber. Try exposing yourself to as many opinions as possible from a diverse range of credible people. Besides that, if a discussion is held, it may be good for people to take note of their standings before the discussion and for someone to play devil’s advocate during the discussion itself (Sockolov, 2017). I sincerely believe that any group that takes these steps will be at very little risk of polarization.

References

Guilbeault, D., Baronchelli, A., & Centola, D. (2021). Experimental evidence for scale-induced category convergence across populations. Nature Communications, 12(1), 1-7.

Hong, S., & Kim, S. H. (2016). Political polarization on twitter: Implications for the use of social media in digital governments. Government Information Quarterly, 33(4), 777-782.

Kerr, A. (2022, 5 March). Calls to boycott Coca-Cola grow after company refuses to pull out of Russia. Washington Examiner. https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/calls-to-boycott-coca-cola-grow-after-company-refuses-to-pull-out-of-russia

Myers, D. G., & Kaplan, M. F. (1976). Group-induced polarization in simulated juries. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 2(1), 63-66.

Neil, S. P. (2017, 6 December). More Than Half of Americans Have Social Media Regrets. Huffpost. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/more-than-half-of-america_b_7872514

Sockolov, E. (2017, 7 September). How Group Polarization is Tearing us Apart. One Mind Therapy. https://onemindtherapy.com/social-psychology/group-polarization/

Tait, A. (2016, 7 October). Is arguing online actually good for your mental health? The New Statesman. https://www.newstatesman.com/science-tech/2016/10/arguing-online-actually-good-your-mental-health

Why Children Fall for Misinformation

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 08:03:32 GMT

Have you ever fallen for a lie? I certainly have, several times in real life, but even more times online. For example, when I was 10 years old, I was playing one of those mobile games with a premium currency that could be used to massively increase my progress. That premium currency could only be obtained with real money, and so I asked my parents if I could buy some and they said no. Thus began my journey to find a way to get this premium currency for free. What did I do? I went to YouTube and followed the link that the first video I saw recommended. This led to me giving away my mum’s phone number in the hopes of gaining what I wanted, but instead all I got was a scolding from my parents because my mum’s phone kept getting spam messages.

So, what made 10-year-old me, and many other children, fall for online scams? Is it just because children are gullible? Research into psychology has revealed that it isn’t that children are gullible, but instead they do not consider that people may lie to them. In a study where pupils were taught how to differentiate real from fake information that they read online, they were found to still not evaluate the information that they were reading (Walraven, Brand-Gruwel & Boshuizen, 2009). So why does this happen?

It is possible that children are unmotivated. Children are willing to accept claims if there are no conflicting sources. In an experiment by Vanderbilt, Heyman & Liu (2014), it was found that children were willing to trust an inaccurate source if no one spoke against that source. Additionally, children do not go out of their way to look for alternative sources (Walraven et al., 2009). To go back to my previous example, if I had looked at more than one YouTube video, I would have found that many people were trying to warn others about this scam. This suggests that children are unmotivated to look for and compare information from multiple websites or videos, instead accepting the first thing that they are exposed to. What if children knew they were being lied to? Would they act differently? In an experiment by Brassch et al. (2013), children that were told about the existence of false information were better at spotting false information than those who were not told so (Brassch et al., 2013). As such, it is important to educate children about the existence of online scams and fake information so that they know that they should look out for it. If I had known about this when I was younger, I think I would have been more careful and done a bit more research before clicking on random links on the Internet.

However, as time progresses, the Internet will get harder for not only children, but also adults, to navigate. This is because misinformation and scams are being presented in a more professional manner, causing people to be more vulnerable to deception. In a study by Lorenzen (2001), high school students were made to use information from multiple sources. However, they were unable to detect which webpage contained false information. This was because the webpages were designed professionally, which was enough for a high school student to trust it. Take The Onion, for example. Due to its professional look, if people didn’t know that it was a satirical news website, they would probably think the news on the website was accurate.

A similar phenomenon, known as the halo effect, has been heavily documented in psychology. Children have been found to prefer other attractive children as friends, believing that attractive children will treat them better (Dion, 1973). Additionally, attractive people are also viewed as more trustworthy (Wilson & Eckel, 2006). In my opinion, the reason why people trust websites that look professional might be the same as the reason why the halo effect exists. People tend to use mental shortcuts, for example lumping similar things into the same category or overgeneralizing to make everyday life easier to navigate. Due to this, I think that we make the assumption that because a website leaves a good impression, it should also be a website with trustworthy information. Therefore, it is important for both children and adults to not judge a website only by its looks, because by doing so might result in you getting scammed like 10-year-old me.

Break Up!

Tue, 11 Jan 2022 09:27:07 GMT

Things you can do to help yourself after a break up.

The word “break up” is commonly associated with either pain or freedom. It can also mean having your emotions all over the place. Breakup comes with heartbreak, it does for most people. Chances are, one might feel like it's the end of the world or even think there’s never going to be anyone else. It's going to be painful waking up knowing that things aren’t going to be the same anymore. The feeling of devastation and disappointment is real, and you might feel them all very deeply.

Common feelings after a break up:

Lonely
Isolation
Loss of appetite
Heavy heart
Constant crying
Sadness

Note: If the feelings and distress persist for longer than 2 weeks and it's affecting your functioning, please seek out professional mental health support.

Remember, your feelings are valid. Feel it all, feel it all deeply. Grieve as long as you need. Let it all out because someday you are going to look back at those moments and smirk. You are going to get over it all, each and every one of it. At the moment it may feel like that's all there is to feel, but slowly and surely at some point, you will wake yourself out of it. Get out there, discover what makes you happy. This is the time for self love. There’s going to be changes in your routine and your lifestyle, but that's okay, changes can be good for one.

What you can do to help yourself:

Get a friend or family to talk to, or seek professional mental health support.
Get yourself out of bed and do what you like.
Find a hobby and do what you love.
Prioritize yourself and your wellbeing.

Pain is temporary. The never ending silent cries in the shower and at night in bed will stop. The intense pain in the chest will eventually stop too. The constant wondering of how to make it work or why the relationship didn’t work will come to an end. It may take weeks,months, maybe even years, but it will. Continue working on yourself, your happiness and your wellbeing. Happiness and joy may seem very distant, but that's temporary too. The journey will be full of ups and downs, but rest assured, it will be exciting. Remember, you are not alone. Everything happens for a reason, you may not see why at the moment, but eventually you will.

There may be times where you randomly get memories from a song you are listening to, a movie, etc. and it might affect you but that's okay. It's normal to feel that way when coming across moments you truly cherish. Instead of letting it consume you, you can try to be thankful for the moment instead. Some may choose to avoid it all, the place, the song, the movie, but it's better to face something than to avoid it. Face your fears they say because, “Do the thing you fear to do and keep doing it, that's the quickest and surest way to ever yet discovered to conquer fear.”-Dale Carnegie

Grounding yourself to the here and now

Thu, 14 May 2020 08:46:36 GMT

What are grounding techniques?

A grounding technique is a type of coping skill that is used to connect to the present moment, especially during distressing and overwhelming situations. Due to the emphasis on being present in the "now", a grounding technique is also associated with "mindfulness" which is focused on being present in the moment. Additionally, during a critical situation which gets our head busy with distressing thoughts, a grounding technique can also be a method of distraction to get us out of internal chaos and into the external surrounding.

Why do we use grounding techniques?

The purpose of grounding is often to help reorient a person to the here-and-now and to reality. This is especially common among those who constantly experience overwhelming and intense distressing feelings. Stressful situations can also trigger a fight-flight-freeze response which includes several uncomfortable symptoms that can be overwhelming to experience. Therefore, as a way to shift attention, grounding helps to gain and elevate focused attention on "one thing at a time" that assist to slow down the pace. It is similar to self-soothing in a way as it is emphasised on calming our bodies when we are overloaded by stress or overwhelming emotions.

As grounding is a way to shift our attention and connect to the here-and-now, it also helps us to detach ourselves from internal emotional pain and to gain control over our feelings in order to stay safe. This is called "healthy detachment" which is particularly common among those who struggle with strong emotions and memories such as anxiety, anger, flashbacks, and nightmares. Those who experienced trauma can find themselves feeling hypervigilant or conversely, also feel frozen or numb. Through grounding, it helps the person "anchor" to the present and to bring their body back to homeostasis which is described as our body’s internal ability to adjust to a stable state. It can also help the person achieve a balance between being conscious of reality and managing how to tolerate it.

When and where do we use grounding techniques?

One of the greatest things about using grounding techniques is that it does not require many materials and it can be applied at any point of the day in many different settings, albeit alone or out in public. The crucial part of grounding techniques is being aware of our internal warning signs and using specific techniques to sustain our attention to slow the pace of our breathing (diaphragmatic breathing) or to shift our focus from internal to external environment by using our senses (5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise).

Grounding may take a while to master, but with time and consistent practice, it does get gradually easier and become second nature. As the skill becomes more fluid, it is easier to apply and transition to using the grounding technique when experiencing a high-stress situation. Thus, practicing grounding techniques will help regulate the body periodically and help you feel more prepared to tackle any challenges that may arise.

How do we use grounding techniques?

Grounding techniques can be applied in two specific ways: Sensory Awareness and Cognitive awareness. Sensory awareness is defined as our direct focus on some specific sensory aspects of our body while cognitive awareness can be explained as our knowledge and focus on our mental action or process. However, for this week, we will first be looking into how we can integrate our sensory awareness to connect us with the present moment. When trying to 'ground' yourself, it is beneficial to first focus on connecting to your body and increasing sensory awareness before working upwards to the brain for cognitive awareness.

1. Sensory awareness grounding exercise: Deep Breathing

Deep breathing, also known as diaphragmatic breathing, is one of the methods used to increase the supply of oxygen to our brain and stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system is the part of the brain that promotes a state of calmness. With a specific breathing technique and pace, it can help you feel connected to your body as it brings awareness away from your worries and shifts your attention to control your pace of breathing.

Breathing Technique: Deep Breathing

Sit comfortably, with your knees bent and your shoulders, head, and neck relaxed.
Place one hand on your chest and one hand over your belly button. Focus on the breathing so that only the hand on the belly button moves while you take a deep breath in and slowly exhaling.
The hand that is placed on the chest monitors for quick shallow breaths which can be seen when the upper chest moves upwards. The hand that is on the belly button is to monitor for deep breaths that draw air into the lungs.
Focus on taking in deep breaths slowly as the air moves the hand on belly-button up instead of the hand on the chest. If the hand on the chest rises up instead of the hand on the belly-button, it indicates shallow breathing which is not effective in helping the body return to a calmer state.

Breathing Technique: Box Breathing
Box breathing is an extension of deep breathing but includes the use of counting and visual cues. By using a finger to visually draw a square in the air, it can indicate when and how long to inhale, hold, and exhale. The box drawing can also be done mentally. As this kind of technique incorporates a structure to breathing, it helps to maintain a calm breathing rate.

Focus on one side of the box at a time. Time each side to take 4 seconds to draw. When drawing the first side going up, inhale for 4 seconds. Ensure that the abdomen is rising instead of the chest moving up.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds while you draw the second side.
Exhale slowly for 4 seconds while drawing the third side.
Hold your breath for 4 seconds while you draw the fourth and last side.
Then repeat from step 1, making sure that each inhalation, exhalation, and holding of breathing is done for 4 seconds.

At first, practise this exercise for approximately 5 to 10 minutes about 3 to 4 times per day and progressively increase the amount of time you spend doing the exercise (20 to 30 minutes). This will make it easier to apply the technique as a pre-emptive strategy when feeling overwhelmed or to manage the distressing feeling during a stressful situation.

2. Sensory Awareness Grounding Exercise: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 exercise

This exercise enables you to engage your senses through identifying and carefully attending to your surrounding information. It requires you to focus your awareness on the present moment and using your bodily sensations to seek specific sensory responses and feedback.

Name 5 things you can see in the room.
Name 4 things you can feel/touch.
Name 3 things you can hear right now.
Name 2 things you can smell right now (or if the environment does not provide information, you may recall 2 of your preferred scent).
Name 1 thing you can taste (or if the environment does not provide information, you may recall 1 of your preferred flavour or taste).

The purpose is to reconnect our mind and body in the present using our senses. It is our basic human senses that remind us we are here now, and we are safe. This exploration allows us to be centred in the present moment by engaging with the external surrounding in order to diffuse the internal overloading in our head.

In conclusion, grounding techniques help to bring us back into the here-and-now in a safe way. It is useful to practise your grounding techniques so that they will come naturally when you are in distress. Try a variety of techniques and rate the effectiveness of each technique in keeping you calm and grounded. The more present you are in your body, the calmer and safer you will feel regardless of the situation. When you pay attention to the sensation that feels good and calm in your body, you learn to understand that you have more control than you realise.

References
https://youniquefoundation.org/4-grounding-techniques-for-depression-and-anxiety/

https://www.verywellmind.com/grounding-techniques-for-ptsd-2797300

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/grounding-techniques-anxiety/

https://eddinscounseling.com/grounding-techniques-self-soothing-emotional-regulation/

Building Resilience during a Pandemic

Thu, 14 May 2020 08:43:31 GMT

In light of the COVID-19 pandemic, many strict safety measures to control the spread have been implemented, and include various changes in the community such as social distancing, self-isolation, and quarantine. While these terms have been used interchangeably, it is beneficial to distinguish the difference to understand the impacts of these on mental health.

· Social distancing means increasing the physical space of at least 1 meter between yourself and others in order to prevent the spread of the virus, especially if the other person is physically unwell (sneezing and coughing).

· Quarantine is for people who have been previously exposed to the virus, but they don’t have any symptoms. However, being in self-quarantine does not imply that the person has COVID-19 symptoms, but it is critical to monitor your health for 14 days and to be sure to stay away from the public.

· Self-isolation is for those who have already contracted the virus and are showing symptoms. Isolation is to prevent you from further infecting and spreading to other individuals.

While some have learned the ropes to adapt quickly to the global health crisis, others are still struggling to deal with the direct impact of COVID-19 on their general well-being, let alone to seek and build resilience during this pandemic. Despite the challenging period, resilience is possible, but it will require more than just a shift in our mindset.

During this crisis of a global pandemic, where some of us are physically isolated and distant, it is also an opportunity to build upon that space, so we also do not end up feeling mentally and emotionally withdrawn. It is an opportunity to strengthen the resilience in ourselves, our families, and communities in new and unprecedented ways. Strengthening our mental and physical health will enable us to be more capable of enduring the external crisis, isolation, strained tension, as well as other stressors associated with the pandemic such as loss of employment and financial instability.

What is Resilience?

Resilience is embodied in the way people adapt to stressful situations and recover from adverse experiences. Those with high resilience have a better capacity in coping with a high level of stress and adapting to significant adversities. Experience of resilience changes with time which is primarily linked to the capabilities and resources that the individual needs to manage and adjust the potentially harmful aspects of the stressor and adversity in their environment. Resilience involves the experience of some form of adversity followed by positive adaptation from it. Based on the definition, it implies that with appropriate resources, behaviours, beliefs, and attitudes, resilience can be learned and strengthened.

Patterns of resilience include resistance, recovery, and transformation (Bonnano, 2004). Resistance includes applying positive adaptive behaviours in the face of significant stress. With immediate exposure to adversity, adaptive functioning may decline but with the adaptive behaviours, functioning may return to a positive level. This is defined as one’s recovery which is normal in severe continuing adversity or sudden traumatic event. Transformation is represented in how the adaptive functioning improves in the aftermath of adversity. The patterns of resilience are not linear and ingrained for everyone. Most people are resilient to some degree, but may be more or less so in some areas of their lives compared with others, but not all, phases of their lives. Therefore, nobody is always resilient, or stress-proof. However, building resilience in order to manage potential threats to mental health is possible so we can persevere through this global adversity.

How to build mental and emotional resilience during a pandemic

It is important to normalise that we are all prone to stress. Nobody is entirely and always resilient to all significant stressors and changes. To feel stressed and to react to a stressor is common. However, seeking resilience means recognising the importance of resisting from further threats and to recover adaptive functioning in the best way we can in order to positively transform from the adversity. It is a dynamic and interactive process of capabilities and components that are crucial in seeking for resilience. Below are the components that are necessary to strengthen our resilience during this challenging time of pandemic, albeit when we are socially distant, isolated, or quarantined.

· The most important catalysta to our resilience-building is the shift of perspective. Our perceptions and our mindsets regarding a situation play a profound impact on the way we feel about the situation. It is not the situation itself that directly affects our feelings. Therefore, by learning to recognise and being aware of our own negative beliefs and thoughts about the situation, we will then be able to challenge them accordingly.

During the state of worrying, remember to focus the energy back to what you can control within your reach of capabilities. Shifting mindset also means that instead of just highlighting the ideas that you cannot "change" or "control" the event, redirect the focus to events that you have control over (See article: Dealing with worries during COVID-19 Movement Control order). Additionally, by distinguishing the hypothetical problems worries from real-problem worries, it will enable you to prioritise which worries you want to attend to first to optimise your use of resources. By clarifying your own worries, it will allow you to reframe the challenging situation in a more adaptive and healthier ways. If the situation is really out of your control, ask yourself:

o What’s the worst that could happen?

o What’s the best that could happen?

o What’s most likely to happen?

o What three actions will help me prepare for the most likely scenario?

o What can I do right now to move one step closer to where I want to be?

· Maintain a routine in your day-to-day so you can gain a sense of control within the structure that you have organised during this period. Additionally, it would be beneficial to set a routine that involves a balance between activities that give us a sense of achievement, make us feel connected and close with the people we care, and pleasurable activities are necessary to build our mental resilience. Lack of balance and routine that is only focused on one aspect of living can significantly affect our mood and well-being. This is especially common during this period as we tend to lose track of time on the activities we do.

· As an extension from the balanced routine, spend your time and energy on the people you care and love during this period. The feeling of appreciation and gratitude towards others can help in building positive feelings for yourself. In addition, expand your care and connection with your community via all possible means such as through social media or phone calls despite the physical distance. The more we contribute to maintaining and building connections with others, the more we will fight back against distressing feelings.

· Seek ways in which you can be accountable to others such as taking responsibility to help look after neighbours’ pets or plants if they are unable to be back home due to the restrictive movement order and strict safety measures. The more accountable we feel towards others, the more inclined we are to take care of our mental health so we can provide continued care and support to those in need.

· Increasing our triggers-awareness will allow us to be more careful in pre-empting the impact and managing the outcomes of the triggers constructively and with compassion. It is necessary to limit the exposure time to triggers so it does not feel too overwhelming. By setting aside a pre-determined time to check updates about the news will allow you to be up-to-date on the current findings without impeding your quality of life.

· Use the opportunity to discover and strengthen different parts of your identity by exploring new hobbies and interests. This sort of self-exploration allows you to widen and appreciate that sense of personal value that you have for yourself, even with significant changes in your life that might have resulted in certain losses.

· Maintain your life purpose and continue with your spiritual practices that have helped you cope through past life challenges. Reflecting on past experiences and ways that you have positively adapted from previous adversity will allow you to be more hopeful and solution-focused on the current situation. Connecting with your part self will help you predict a better future despite these uncertain times.

· Find an activity you enjoy and that can help you to keep your physical health in check. As much as possible, stay as active as you can as it will help elevate your mood and prevent health problems.

· During this time, it is beneficial to also go through how you plan on managing your finances during this economic uncertainty. Remember that there are available resources and finances that you can access and seek if you are financially in crisis.

· Most importantly, always check and establish that your basic needs are properly attended to. The more parts of your life that you declutter and put in order, the more secure you will feel. Start with the simplest and most basic tasks that you can do such as ensuring the house is in order, settling bills and managing food stock.

While a myriad of challenges may hold you down during this isolating and distant time, remember that you have resources, capabilities and increasing knowledge on ways you can continue to build and strengthen your resilience during this global crisis. Safety measures due to COVID-19 have led to physical distance and isolation which could impede our general mental health. However, it is crucial to remind ourselves of the positive adaptive ways and strategies that we can apply to manage the psychological threats on our mental well-being such as our perception to adapt and recover from this adversity. As we figure out ways to cope with this global crisis the best we can, reach out to the next person who may also benefit from our assistance in reminding them that resilience is possible when we believe that we can resist, recover and transform from this adversity together. Despite all the turmoil around us, we have the gift of supporting each other and being resilient.

References

· https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/nurturing-resilience/202004/resilience-during-pandemic

· https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/hope-resilience/202004/the-factors-support-mental-resiliency-in-pandemic

. https://www.roffeypark.com/wp-content/uploads2/Building-Resilience-Report-with-covers.pdf

Dealing with Worries during the Movement Control Order (MCO) Period – Part 2

Thu, 14 May 2020 08:31:08 GMT

What Is Worry and Why Do We Worry?

During this MCO period, it is challenging for a lot of people who are instructed to stay at home and are currently faced with a significant number of stressors. While the rest of the world is dealing with the global crisis of the outbreak, individuals from all walks of life are learning to manage their internal concerns while coping with the direct impact of the external crisis. The past few weeks of staying at home, limiting access and exposure to the outside world meant that we must develop a 'new normal' to everyday living. As we are dealing with a new environment and limited resources, it is dire that we learn to manage certain expectations and our mindset consistently.

Responding to a Crisis

Using the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, we can apply a set of practical steps to respond effectively to the crisis. The first and most important component is to focus on what is within our control . While the crisis triggers our fight or flight response which can lead to excessive worrying and rumination on aspects that are beyond our control, it is important to be aware of our tendencies and managing our focus on what is still in our control. As mentioned above, fear and anxiety are normal and inevitable but it is important to be aware of where we put our attention and focus as it can directly heighten our feeling of uncertainty and loss of control which will not be helpful and productive with our resilience during these trying times.

By recognising that some of our worries are uncontrollable such as aspects related to the future, the overall impact of the virus on the world, world economy, and the government's decision-making will then allow more space and time for us to focus on what we can control with the current situation. With limited resources, we need to learn to optimise them to improve our direct circumstances, the people around us and the community that we are involved in. The focus of control is both about managing our internal world such as our thoughts and feelings, as well as our outer world such as the crisis that we are facing. However, in order to deal with our intangible thoughts and emotional challenges, it is important to pause, take a step back and acknowledge our thoughts and feelings . By recognising our thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations and urges that resurface, we are increasing our understanding of ourselves and our feelings in a non-judgmental manner.

Connecting with our physical body allows us to face these internal reactions directly and productively, instead of running away, escaping, avoiding and distracting ourselves from our internal world. By increasing awareness of our thoughts and feelings, despite the discomfort and distress, we are subsequently coming back and connecting with the body and actively moving to gain as much control as possible over our physical actions and behaviours. This includes being slowly aware of our physiological sensations such as pushing our feet hard onto the floor, straightening and sitting upright and forward in a chair, pressing our fingertips together, stretching our arms, shrugging our shoulders and breathing slowly. As we gain control of our inner world and shift focus onto our immediate behaviour, it is beneficial to be mindful of the way we engage in activities .

Examples of engagement include being aware of:

5 things you can see around you ��

4 things you can touch ✋

3 things you hear ��

2 things you can smell ��

1 thing you can taste ��

While searching for activities, engage in activities that are meaningful and aligned to your values and goals in life.

Managing Our Worries

As mentioned above, worry is a natural reaction during uncertain times. However, it is important to distinguish between worries that are associated with real problems and hypothetical problems. This will help us to manage our worries more efficiently. By recognising this difference, it will allow us to optimise our resources to come up with better resolutions to stressors that are within our control.

Real problem worries are problems at the current time that are affecting us right now which require helpful and realistic solutions. For instance, our current real-problem worry would be contracting the virus. Thus, helpful solutions will include following the safety precautions such as regular handwashing, social distancing and isolating, and regularly disinfect.

Hypothetical problem worries are mostly our tendency of thinking about worst-case scenarios such as focusing only on negative what-if s that are not present in our current situation but excessive thoughts about what might happen in the future. This type of worrying can become excessive especially if we assume that by doing so, we are controlling the certainty of the outcomes, which, as previously mentioned, is a false belief that generates the vicious cycle. Therefore, identifying a real problem can help us to plan and cope accordingly while excessive hypothetical worry deprives us of living life adequately.

Strategies to cope with worries include:

Applying the Worry Decision Tree (see resources below) – to help determine your type of worry (real problem worry vs hypothetical problem worry). During this period of crisis, we are inclined to revert to old ways of habitual thinking. Thus, it is beneficial to be objective about what you are experiencing, and distinguishing which type of worry is most important to handle first so you can cope the best you can with the resources you have.

Learning to schedule your worries – worrying can be excessive and you may feel that you have to do something about it right at this instant. However, after you have learned to distinguish between real problem worry and hypothetical problem worry, you are able to understand that hypothetical problem worry does not require your immediate action. Therefore, your resources and energy can instead be used for greater productivity such as dealing with real-problem worries.

Learning to postpone a hypothetical problem worry and dealing with it during a limited pre-determined amount of time will allow you to build better control over your 'catastrophising' tendency which is a common thinking trap. Scheduling a specified amount of time each day to let yourself worry about anything that goes through your mind but only limited to the given time (e.g.30 minutes at the end of the day) will allow you to address the worry but without it bleeding into your day and productivity for the rest of your day.

Limit worry triggers – While we are dealing with real problem worries, it is necessary to be aware of what triggers our worries. The endless triggering information that we constantly expose ourselves to and checking multiple sources of news and social media updates may trigger some overwhelming reactions. Increasing our awareness of our triggers will then allow us to be more careful to pre-empt the impact and to manage the outcomes constructively and with compassion. It is necessary to limit the exposure time to the known triggers so it does not feel too overwhelming. Additionally, by setting aside a pre-determined time to check updates about the news will allow you to be up to date on the current findings, being in control of the information that you need to know, without it impeding your quality of life.

Finding Structure and Balance

While we try to understand and grasp the unpredictable crisis in our external world, it is also important to learn to tune in with finding balance and structure within ourselves to heighten our sense of control. During this trying and restricted time, it is common to feel that you have lost or are losing what is considered "normal" to you. With this change in our environment as the world is figuring out the appropriate approach in managing the crisis, it is also necessary to manage our realistic expectations of the 'new normal'. The need for change may trigger some unsettling worries and anxiety for some people, which is common and natural to feel, but it is useful to learn to be flexible and adapt to new changes and most importantly, set a new and realistic routine that is achievable and attainable in your current situation and with the available resources.

Additionally, organising a routine that involves a balance between activities that are pleasurable and also give us a sense of achievement makes us feel connected and close with the people we care. Such activities are necessary to build our mental resilience. Lack of balance and routine that is only focused on one aspect of living can significantly affect our mood and well-being. This is especially common during the MCO period as we can sometimes lose track of time on the activities we do. For example, when we are only focused on talking and interacting with people but less on doing important tasks that give us a sense of achievement, we might end up feeling less useful and thus negatively affecting the way we feel. Therefore, it is necessary to reflect and check on the outcome of each day and decide what else can be improved in order to have a better balance in our daily life for the next day.

Pleasure: Setting time to do tasks that give us a sense of pleasure can help sustain our feeling of joy, even during this challenging period. Thus, doing tasks and activities that give us pleasure will make us feel that we have not lost touch with all of our old routines and our old self.

Achievement: When we have set our to-do list and we find ourselves completing what we have set our mind to, it directly makes us feel good, productive and useful. In addition, it is crucial to identify goals and tasks that are S.M.A.R.T (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-Specific).

Connection: It is important to find ways to connect and feel close to people even during this time of movement control so we do not feel mentally and emotionally isolated or distant from others. This could lead to an increasing sense of loneliness which will impede our well-being and resilience, and outlook on the global crisis.

Additionally, as we try to seek balance in the activities of our everyday routine, it is useful to find the balance in our mindset during this movement control period. While it is easy and normal to fall into unhelpful thinking traps such as catastrophising the worst possible outcomes or jumping to conclusions with little evidence, it is particularly harder at first but useful and sustainable in the long run when we reframe our mindset to look at situations from other points of view instead of one rigid perspective.

For example, instead of focusing on "I am stuck at home”, we can highlight that “I am also safe at home”. Therefore, take a step back, allow yourself the space and time to experience your feelings, and expand your view of the situation to alternative perspectives that is more realistic and helpful to you.

In conclusion, as the noise from the external world may feel overwhelming and too chaotic for you, remember to return your focus and attention to what you can do for the people around you and for yourself with the current resources you have. Your mindset plays a significant role on your resilience, coping skills, and hopefulness. Thus, give yourself the space to experience these difficult emotions but at the same time remind yourself that you can get through them, one by one. Remember to hold onto what feels balance and valuable to you, and as much as possible, to go back to what is familiar to you while adapting and building up what will make you mentally and emotionally stronger during this testing times.

References:

· https://www.psychologytools.com/articles/free-guide-to-living-with-worry-and-anxiety-amidst-global-uncertainty/

· https://www.baps.org.uk/content/uploads/2020/03/FACE-COVID-by-Russ-Harris-pdf-pdf.pdf

· https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)30460-8/fulltext

Resources:

The Worry Decision Tree

Mentem's Blog Talk: Coping with Worries during the Movement Control Order (MCO) Period - Part 1

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 04:52:17 GMT

Coping with Worries during the Movement Control Order (MCO) Period – Part 1

What is Worry and Why Do We Worry?

Worrying is the way we think about the future and thinking what is ahead of us — a normal human reaction to a lot of situations. However, when we worry excessively, it can lead to uncomfortable and distressing feelings of anxiety as our thoughts snowball into the worst-case scenario of “ what if …". This can often be overwhelming as it distorts the way we think about the severity of the situation and our ability to cope with it.

When excessive worrying becomes the common reaction to a lot of situations, it can eventually affect the way we interact with the people around us, the way we view ourselves, and all areas of our life.

Worry is expressed physically through symptoms such as muscle tension, palpitation, difficulty concentrating and sleeping, and feeling easily exhausted. It can be triggered by a lot of things, but some triggers can be stronger than the others such as situations that are ambiguous , new and unpredictable . In particular, worry intensifies when we feel that we are uncertain about future outcomes. The false belief that we might be able to control the uncertainty of the outcomes by excessively worrying and thinking about how we might deal with it acts as a vicious cycle which impedes our quality of life.

Why do we worry so much during COVID19-Movement Control Order (MCO)?

In light of the recent COVID-19 outbreak, a new pandemic that the world is dealing with, every situation is so new and has never been experienced before, open to different interpretations and being unclear of how things will eventually turn out. The current global crisis that we are facing has all of the strong triggers that were previously mentioned: ambiguous, new and unpredictable, which leave people with intense feelings of worry due to the uncertainty of the situation.

The outbreak which led to the MCO has also directly impacted employment and financial stability, which have been two main stressors for a lot of people especially since it is related to their future outcomes. Worrying is especially intense during the MCO period as we feel limited and restricted with our capacities and available resources compared to what we have been used to previously. With the restriction of resources and repetition of distressing news, it increases the feeling of helplessness with one's capability to deal with new and unpredictable situations.

Additionally, this period of restricted movement deprives some people who have been previously dependent on social life and physical social interaction as one of the ways to cope with everyday stress and emotional difficulties. Since people have limited access to this social interaction, the feeling of being out of control and helpless over the current crisis can be heightened during this period. This is especially challenging for those with underlying and untreated mental health concerns and even those who are currently under treatment for mental health illness as they feel that the learning curve is too steep and beyond their capacity to manage the new daily stressors without physical face-to-face therapy.

While we deal with the worries triggered by the external crisis, we may also be trying to cope with feelings of anger, grief, sadness, disappointment, and fear. One by one or all at once. But most importantly, we need to remember that however we feel or whatever we may be experiencing are all valid and real to us individually and collectively.

In order to persevere through this situation, we need to remember to allow these feelings to be felt and addressed. In addition, amplifying and highlighting other positive emotions and experiences can generate a sense of gratitude, appreciation, and hopefulness which we often overlook during this time of crisis.

Despite the challenges, stay healthy both physically and mentally in the best way you can.

Look out for our next article:

Dealing with Worries during the Movement Control Order (MCO) Period – Part 2

It provides tips on how to cope during these stressful times.

Mirror, Mirror on The Screen: Is That Really Me?

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 06:44:03 GMT

Transport yourself back to a time of adolescence: acne coming as a packaged deal in the transition of child to adult, the unpleasant stench of puberty, and let’s not forget all that hormonal, teenage angst that got you mad at the world for every little reason or no reason at all. The path to adulthood is a tricky one and often laced with confusion, requiring so much wisdom in decision-making to ensure we don’t become emotional wrecks by the time we turn 18, yet our teenage years are notorious for reckless behaviour. As teenagers, the transition is a struggle in many things, but the biggest struggle of them all, some ongoing even until adulthood, is the formation of identity.

Who are we? What do we believe in as individuals? What constitutes to our morals, principles and values?

What persona do we take on to present ourselves to the world? So many questions attached to identity, but what truly constitutes to the true self? “Finding ourselves” — making a commitment to an identity that is consistent with our true self might be challenging, however, the fruits of this self-development are rewarding nonetheless. According to Schwartz, Zamboangam, Weisskirch and Rodriguez (2009), research shows that a strong sense of self is beneficial for the self-esteem, and reduces depression and anxiety that may come with self-doubt and self-consciousness. The authors maintain that a coherent and stable sense of identity is required to navigate through the challenges of adulthood.

Here we find ourselves in the digital age of the 21st century. In a time of smartphones and social media, it would be crazy to think that generations before us lived without. When social media was first introduced to us over 16 years ago, nobody could predict the catalytic effect it would have on shaping the social culture as we know today. Social media has, and still is, playing a huge role in the cultural revolution of society.

Instagram, Twitter, Facebook — while initially designed to help us stay connected on a global scale, we are also provided access into glimpses of one another's lives through the curation of online identity. Social media may have opened up gateways of many opportunities, but it has also created in us an unhealthy cycle of comparison and the maintenance of the “perfect” image, thus eventually leading to identity crisis with one’s true self — the self-offline. One of the biggest struggle in human development, identity crisis is a time when one partakes in intensive analysis of the self through the exploration of different lifestyles, personalities, values and even fashion. It is a process of trial-and-error, all to see which shoe fits (quite literally). But what happens when we commit to an identity online that completely contrasts the identity offline?

As a woman 22 years young, I can attest that the struggle is, indeed, very real. With every swipe of carefully edited photos perfectly compiled in an aesthetic curation of boxes, it is so easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of comparison. Whether it be photos of an influencer who looks perfect 24/7 with flawless skin, or another millennial documenting her bi-annual getaways to some tropical island living her best life, not to mention graduation photos of friends holding double degrees, all these photos evoke a series of painfully envious questions within ourselves: Why can't I be like that? Why not me? Why am I not pretty enough like her? Why am I not earning enough like him? Why am I not smart enough like my peers? Many things can happen following the comparison, but one of the most prevalent coping strategies our culture utilises today is this: faking it till you make it. Or if you can't make it, fake it. Thus begins our quest for (psuedo) perfection.

Furthermore, the thing with identity is that it encompasses some notion of human agency, it gives us the idea of control over constructing our identity — to some degree, anyways. So we put up an online facade of our best selves, who we’d like to be, but not actually are in real life. Perfect picture after perfect picture captioned in positive quotes and flowery words, all to showcase a perfect life when life is anything but that. We function through lenses of perfectionism so much so that we start to believe life should be like that too.

Maintaining an image that isn’t entirely you can be exhausting. This misrepresentative behaviour requires greater cognitive resources due to its out-of-character nature. Online, we often try to present ourselves as this perfect being incapable of failures, sadness, and all other raw, humanness that shall never see the light of day. We hide our shortcomings, and place our value as human beings on what we can do instead. That’s why we tend to take pride in our achievements and document them for the world to see. We have built our identities on the basis of our external events in our lives — our jobs, relationships, physical appearance, financial status, life performance; all of which can be represented in our social media. We’ve created a persona around these qualities we’ve paraded on our online profiles, and when these aspects get removed from our lives, an identity crisis occurs. For example, you’ve established yourself on Instagram as a woman of fitness and positivity. Always posting post-gym pictures and workout progresses, all in conjunction with the healthiest meal preps and greenest juices in colour-coordinated boxes. You do yoga on the beach by sunrise on the weekends, spread all love with absolutely no hate. All around good person constantly setting intentions and affirmations for manifestation. That’s you, essentially, but just a repainted version of yourself online. The you offline struggles to keep up with the expectations you set on yourself. The you offline that enjoys a bag of chips and chocolate but drowns in self-hate for indulging. The you offline that so desperately wants to sleep in on a Sunday morning. The you offline that cusses a bad word for two when drivers don’t signal on the road. The real you. Our true identity that we so often deny in order to be someone we want to be in our fictional narrative. At the end of the day, self-growth in this life is the striving for progression, not perfection.

It is important to understand that identity is never set in stone and continues to develop throughout the lifespan as we move through different phases in life. Your journey is your own, and it is beautiful. Love and respect it, don't forget to nurture it in conjunction with working with what you have in this life. Comparison is the thief of joy; recognise that we each possess strengths and weaknesses unique to ourselves. While the goal in this life is individual progression, let us not get lost in the pursuit of perfection that we forget we’re only human. So be kind to yourself, as transitions in all stages of life are never easy.

REFERENCES

Schwartz, S. J., Zamboanga, B. L., Weisskirch, R. S., & Rodriguez, L. (2009). The relationships of personal

and ethnic identity exploration to indices of adaptive and maladaptive psychosocial functioning. International

Journal of Behavioral Development , 33 (2), 131-144.

How To Support A Friend Who Is Going Through Depression

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 08:31:49 GMT

These days, although the importance of mental health awareness is increasing by the year, the topic of depression still holds such stigma in our society. The stigma makes it even more difficult for you to find out ways to help someone you know who seems to be going through a challenging time to cope. If you want to be there for a friend who is showing concerning symptoms of depression but you don’t know where and how to start: Good news is, you are already a great friend for having the intention to be there for your friend. Second good news is, you are going to learn to be a better friend through this journey of supporting your friend. If you are wondering what you can do for your friend through their depression, here are some essentials that you can take note of.. However, as you go through the article, remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup, so take care of yourself too in order to support your friend to your best ability.

First of all, what do we know about depression? The term ‘depressed’ has been casually and interchangeably used in our era with the feeling of ‘sadness’. So how do we differentiate between the two and what are the signs that you, as a friend, can pick up on and recognize as depression.

Sadness is a human emotion that everyone can feel and experience at certain times throughout their lives. It is a natural reaction to situations that provoke emotional distress which ranges with intensity, duration, and frequency. Just like other human emotions, sadness comes and goes, it is transient which gradually fades with time. This is one in many ways that makes sadness different to depression.

Depression, on the other hand, a longer-term mental illness that disrupts social, occupational and other areas of functioning. Symptoms of depression may include constant feelings of sadness, irritability, fatigue, changes in sleeping or eating patterns, difficulty concentrating, loss of interest for things which used to be pleasurable, feelings of deep and unwarranted guilt, and physical symptoms that do not have a specific cause. Unlike sadness, depression is pervasive in which it may be hard to find pleasure and enjoyment in anything, including activities that they used to previously enjoy. Therefore, depression is not an emotion, it is a mental illness on its own that requires intensive psychological support.

What can you do to help:

● Learn about depression

○ The first step to help a friend with depression is to educate yourself and be more well-informed on what depression is and the experiences of having it. By having a basic knowledge of depression, it will allow you to understand your friend’s personal experiences and keep you from saying well-intended but hurtful things.

Symptoms such as feelings of hopelessness and helplessness can be too much to bear for some people with depression which could lead to the possibility of suicide. If this is disclosed by your friend, especially with evidence that they have a plan, take it seriously and encourage them to see a professional immediately. In this case, be on the lookout for warning signs such as talk of suicide, statements implying they don’t care about anything, giving away their stuff, making a will or funeral arrangements, purchase of weaponry, sudden and unexplained calmness after a period of depression.

● Provide warm and compassionate companionship

○ Listening ear

■ Listening to your friend may appear to be the easiest thing to do but the hardest to follow through. It is also the most powerful tool in allowing your friend to know that you are there for them. This is an important component of supporting them through recovery. Allow your friend to decide, at their own pace and readiness, when they want to talk about their feelings. Avoid pressuring your friend into sharing but let them know that you are there to listen when they are ready. Once they have reached out, be attentive as you listen to your friend. It will be constructive to reflect to your friend on what he/she has just shared with you during the conversation to indicate that you are paying attention. Continue with statements such as “I see” and “Go on” to encourage them to continue talking. Additionally, you can also use comforting words and statements such as the examples provided below:

● “You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.”

● “You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”

● “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.”

● “When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.”

● “You are important to me. Your life is important to me.”

● “Tell me what I can do now to help you.”

● Connect them to reach out for support

○ One of the things that might help your friend is to offer to look up for professional services for them so they can see the number of options and decide which would be suitable for them. Depression at times can cause one to feel overwhelmed to take the first step in seeking help. Feelings of guilt and shame may prevent them from taking the first step. Therefore, it would be helpful to offer to look up professional services together to ease that difficulty in initiating the first step. Additionally, it would be useful to help your friend make a list of questions to clarify and ask the psychologist before the appointment which can help prepare their mindset going into the session.

○ After the appointment is set, it would be helpful to continue the support to help them in complying with therapy. This can be as simple as checking in about how their therapy sessions have been going. You can ask them about the goals they have been working on/ what they wish to continue working on/how therapy has been helping them. It is not uncommon for someone experiencing depression to want to end therapy shortly after because they either feel “cured” or that therapy isn’t working. Encourage them to continue with the therapy process or to express their concerns to their therapist.

● Patience and avoid a tough-love approach.

As your friend is struggling to make sense of her struggles, your patience to stay with them will let them know that they are not alone despite the difficulties that accompany the journey from symptom onset to recovery. When your friend recognizes that she/he is not alone through it, the feeling of hope may arise which can be a turning point in recovery.

Tough love approach, which could come across as dismissive and aggressive might push your friend further into isolation and distress. It is a common misconception for individuals to believe that being tough on their friend could motivate them to “snap out of depression” and get better. However, the outcome is as similar as ignoring and pushing away those with physical and medical illness. Examples of unhelpful statements and words are as follows:

a. Unhelpful words

i. “I’ve gone through way worse and I turned out fine.”

ii. “It’s all in your head”

iii. “We all go through times like this.”

iv. “Look on the bright side.”

v. “You have so much to live for, why do you want to die?”

vi. “I can’t do anything about your situation.”

vii. “Just snap out of it.”

viii. “What’s wrong with you?”

ix. “Shouldn’t you be better by now?”

● Keep in touch and stay connected

Unfortunately for those with depression, they can often feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and burden even when other people try to do small things for them because they worry about burdening others. This is often seen in those with low-self esteem where they feel that their presence in social settings is not valued and therefore, unimportant. Thus, it is beneficial for you to initiate an effort to extend an invitation to these individuals to help stimulate their interest in social interaction. By reaching out to them, it also gives an impression that you care and want them around. In times that they resist to go out, don’t force them but gently encourage the pros of joining. Your friend needs to feel that they want to attend and should not feel apologetic or judged if they are not ready to attend the social gathering.

● Take care of yourself

One of the most important aspects of caring for someone who is struggling with depression is the natural tendency to neglect own needs. Personal needs involve setting own boundaries, being compassionate towards self and exercising self-care. In order to sustain your support, care and love towards your friend, it is crucial to be aware of your limits around difficult emotions and situations, and ensure to know when to recharge to avoid emotional burn-out. Setting personal boundaries does not mean that you are neglecting your friend but it’s to ensure that you will be able to provide meaningful support throughout your friend’s recovery to your best ability. During this time, it would be crucial to ensure that your friend is not alone and has tapped into his/her social resources as a way to expand her reception towards social support.

Sometimes supporting someone with depression can feel like you are walking on eggshells because you are not sure what to say or do that is best for your friend. There will be questions of self-doubt but remember that the most important aspect of support is just being there for your friend through his/her tough times which is a meaningful steppingstone towards their growth and recovery.

Handling Bullies

Thu, 26 Sep 2019 08:15:11 GMT

Do you know, in the early 1600s, the word “bully” meant an excellent person? In this advanced century, we get everything in the split of a second but we forgot how to be humane towards people around us. Bullying is happening everywhere. It happened to me too. It was one of the hardest times to accept myself with all that was going on. We sometimes lose the words to understand and express our feelings. People think we are weak, people think we are soft spoken but nothing beats what you think about yourself. That’s self-bullying. We think lowly about ourselves, more than how bullies make us feel and that’s where we lose it.

I was called a noob child, not once, not twice but for almost 10 years of my life span. It was big considering my crucial years of knowing myself. I thought I was not worth a penny when this happened; my bullies took advantage of me in a public environment. My sibling’s friends started it in my primary school days. They called me with the meanest names to humiliate me, threw spoilt food and drinks on me. This was all to make themselves feel superior towards the environment and situation. They liked it! They enjoyed it! The process of knowing myself stopped right there. I had nothing to do for myself, no friends, no hobbies. It felt empty. Felt like someone else was living the life I wanted, envied the way it was crafted just for them. Soon I started liking the emptiness, it just felt good to feel empty. To feel nothing at all.

It all changed when I stepped into my high school, I was very new to the environment. I breathed the fresh air of that comfortable environment. Everyone around me encouraged, supported and even called me as friend. I was honored, determined to change the way it was before. It was different from what I expected it to be. I stood up for myself through all criticism and humiliation from my past. The past was just there, it still is. But my future belongs to me, for me to change and craft it for myself. One point I know: bullies would come into my life, but was it worth my time? Spending hours in the washroom sobbing and regretting instead of living it? I think I deserve to know and accept myself better. I then decided to involve myself in everything I used to envy about people. I wanted to try everything I didn’t get to try before. Though I tried many things around me, self-disclosure was harder than I thought! My difficulty in opening up about my feelings was much bigger than I imagined. That’s when I started my group counseling session in school with a group of others. It started off fun and jovial, brainstorming ideas that fit the team. However, when they started sharing about their personal life, I was more confused. That’s when I understood, my story isn’t that bad compared to others. It was an eye opener for all of us, emotionally.

I learned it the hard way, I learned that bullies tend to project their own negativities onto others. There are many reasons as to why they do what they do to others; feeling superior to others makes them feel more confident. But for us, confidence is belief in ourselves. Here’s the thing about bullies, they may be your schoolmates, friends, relatives or even strangers on road. Nevertheless, with self-confidence, you will be able to handle the situation better. That’s where we can start. From ourselves.

Building A Healthy Self-Esteem

Thu, 27 Jun 2019 04:43:05 GMT

Self-esteem is something everyone needs. It is something that gives you confidence in yourself, something that makes you believe in yourself. Many people today have low-esteem. They think that they have no purpose here on Earth. Well I’m going to tell you how you can boost that self-esteem of yourself.

Firstly, you need to discover yourself. Find your true-self. Each one of us has a talent. You may not know it at first but you will find it for sure. Based on my experience, there was a pint in my life where I thought I had no talent at all, I would always try and search and find what my talent was. But then it hit me, that your talent will come naturally, you can’t force it. Secondly, list your strengths. Your strengths are something that will help boost your confidence you have in you. Once you know your strengths, you will see that you’re much more than you think you are. Moreover, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. I used to do that on a daily basis and it used to bring me down a lot. Many people do that and they tell themselves that they’re not as great as that person. But then I realized that everyone is special in their own ways. Well guess what, you are great and you are you. There’s only one of you and you should embrace it.

Next, you should have a positive attitude. Stop overthinking! I used to overthink about so many things. Even the littlest of things I would make it a big problem. I would get so worried and I wouldn’t know how to control it but now I know that the only way to control it is to not overthink the problem. Over thinking leads into anxiety and that leads into negative thinking. You shouldn’t look down on yourself. If you have a positive mind, your self-esteem will surely increase. Besides that, you should try self-improvement. Try and improve the things that you think you should improve about yourself. Not physically but mentally. Try and improve all bad habits you have or all the negative thinking.

Knowing that no one is perfect is another way you can build a healthy self-esteem. Know that everyone has their imperfections and no one can be perfect. You may think that you have to be someone great in order to be a perfect human being. But the truth is that no one is perfect. In addition to that, you need to dare yourself into taking risks. Don’t be afraid. You won’t know it till you try it. Taking risks actually helps to build up your confidence. It allows you to discover your strengths.

You should also try waking up happy. Wake up knowing that there is so much love in the world. Think about all the great things around you. Such as the beautiful flowers, your friends, your parents and so much more. Having a balanced life helps a lot in building a healthy self-esteem. Try and spread your activities out. Don’t live a rushed life. Make a schedule to help you.

Not only that, you shouldn’t hate yourself. You should love yourself and treat yourself right. Hating yourself will only hurt you. You shouldn’t hurt yourself. Moreover, review your progress, look back on how you did. Set goals for yourself. Don’t forget to achieve those goals though. Once you achieve those goals, you will feel better about yourself. Not only that, you may discover your strength and hidden talents along the way.

In addition to that, know that many people love you. Many people nowadays think they’re unloved. But little do they know, they’re loved by so many people. They just don’t know it. Last but not least, many people think that they were put on this Earth for no reason. Well people who think that are wrong. Everyone has a reason to be here on Earth. That reason is, you have been put here to be you because no one else can be you.

In conclusion, building a healthy self-esteem will make you a better person. It’ll teach and show you that you are beautiful inside and out. Don’t let anyone put you down. But most importantly, don’t put yourself down. Lift your head high and know who you are and that you are you.

Low Self-Esteem in Children

Fri, 21 Dec 2018 00:00:00 GMT

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is a word that hasn't left our lips from the time it was coined in 1890 by an American psychologist called William James.

Simply put, in children, self-esteem is how the child feels about him/herself. When someone has good self-esteem, it means that they value and see themselves under a positive light. A child with a healthy amount of self-esteem is able to:

State what they are good at
Feel as capable as other people
Feel comfortable enough to try new things
Understand that it is ok to make mistakes
Is able to say what is on his/her mind
Can still acknowledge their past achievements even after failure
Feel comfortable with him/herself
Find ways to motivate him/herself

What causes poor self-esteem?

Self-esteem develops as part of a child's identity. It is essentially how the child feels about himself regarding the expectations of the people around them. As a child grows and interacts with his world in multiple contexts (e.g. home, school, swim team, etc.), the people in his life are going to evaluate, react and respond to him based on his personality, performance, behavior and so forth.

The way people respond and react to children contains subtle messaging that tells the child something about himself. For example, a 7-year-old girl who is constantly told by her teacher what she has done wrong, but never what she has done right is probably going to start believing that she stupid or that nothing she does will ever be good enough. Another example would be a little boy who's told by his family that he's too skinny to play sports, the kid will then believe that skinny people cannot play sports and he would probably never feel confident enough to try playing a sport because of his weight. It is important to remember that children, not only have a tendency to internalize the subtle messaging they receive in their interactions but they also do not have the ability to question its validity. Hence, our good intentions aside (e.g. the teacher who believes that being harsh and critical is good for the child, or the parent who does not want their child getting hurt playing sports), it is important to keep in mind the subtle messages we are passing onto our children.

Does my child have low self-esteem?

Children often have trouble expressing how they feel about things that are not going so well for them. Hence, it is unlikely that a child will go up to someone and say, "I worry that I'm not good enough". Not because they don't want to, but because they have yet to develop emotionally to be able to do so.

There are two types of children who have low self-esteem: the internalizers and the externalizers. Internalizers are the ones who suffer in silence, feel helpless and alone in their situation. Whereas, the externalizers are the ones who are either frightened, confused or unaware of their emotions and have a tendency to act out.

Here are some behaviors to look out for:

Child feels depressed, withdrawn or anxious
Avoids challenging tasks and/or gives up easily
Gets easily frustrated with challenging tasks
Has trouble making or keeping friends
Avoids social interactions with peers
Exhibits aggressive behavior
Uses negative self-talk (e.g. “I'm stupid”, “I can't do anything”, “Nobody likes me”)

What are the consequences or poor self-esteem?

There are both short term and long-term consequences to having low self-esteem. The short-term consequences of low self-esteem are the ones that can be witnessed in a child as he/she grows and develops. The consequences can include social, emotional, intellectual and performance related issues in a variety of contexts. If a child's self-esteem is not mended, it can lead to a multitude of psychological issues ranging from depression, anxiety, social anxiety, eating disorders, interpersonal and occupational difficulties, and when it is severe, low self-esteem can lead to suicidal behavior. Hence, early intervention is imperative. The earlier the better because issues like low self-esteem tend to snowball, meaning that it builds upon itself and becomes a larger problem as time passes.

What can I do to help my child?

On the bright side, there is still a lot that can be done especially with children. Here are some tips to help you help your child build self-esteem:

1. Openly listen to and acknowledge your child's feelings. – This tells the child that it is ok to have feelings.
2. When a child struggles with problems:
a. Do not harshly criticize, demean of make fun of your child.
i. This tells the child that they shouldn't be struggling and that there is something wrong with him for struggling
b. Do encourage and assist him while allowing for some independence.
i. This tells the child that you believe in him and that it is ok to ask for/receive help.
c. Explain to your child understand that it is normal to struggle. Everyone struggles from time to time.
i. This helps your child set realistic expectations of himself.
3. Use realistic praise for efforts and accomplishments (e.g. "I love the effort you put in!" rather than "You are so smart!")
a. You want to set your child up for success, not failure
b. Set realistic and age-appropriate rules, expectations and responsibilities (e.g. it is not realistic to tell a 7-year-old to wait for 45 minutes without anything to keep him/her busy).
4. Discipline in a positive and non-judgmental manner while being fair and consistent.
a. Talk about the behavior, not character (e.g. "Hitting others is not nice" vs. "You are a bad boy/girl!")
b. Help child think of alternative behaviors (e.g. "What can you do instead?").

All in all, children are like seeds. Seeds need water, fertile soil and sun to grow and be the best plant it could possibly be. Children much like seeds, have a set of basic needs that have to be met in order to grow: love, nurture and encouragement. Criticizing them, setting standards that are much too high and not giving them the encouragement they need is the equivalent of having a seed grow up in an environment that is devoid of water, soil and sun. It might grow, but not to its full potential.

Ying Yong's Music Therapy Experience

Fri, 24 Aug 2018 00:00:00 GMT

I believe that music can affect us not only physiologically but also psychologically.

During the second year of my degree, I had the chance to enroll in a music therapy class for one of my elective subjects. The knowledge and experience that I gained during the class were so memorable. We learnt about how music affects our body, how we relate to ourselves with music and sounds around us. Listening to relaxing music will actually increase GABA (hormone) and it helps in decreasing anxiety and depression. Not only that, listening to your favorite music will increase oxytocin, which makes you feel happy.

My assignment for this subject was to modify a song by changing the lyrics, timbre, or musical instruments. According to Baker and Wigram, clinical songwriting can assist people to reflect on their past, present or future, to make contact with unconscious thought processes, to confront difficulties within their interpersonal experiences and relationships, and to project their feelings into music. The song that I chose for the assignment was “Lay Me Down”. I changed some of the lyrics and music instruments for the song to reflect my life experience better. After changing the song lyrics, we were asked to analyze our lyrics and explain the reasons for substituting the old lyrics with our own lyrics.

“Lay me down” by Sam Smith, the first time I heard this song, it reminded me of my late father that left me 11 years ago. I felt that the lyrics of this song reflected the things that I wanted to tell my father after he left. I changed some lyrics to express the sadness and the regrets I had experienced after the death of my father. There were also some changes done to the melody by using a piano as it was the only music instrument that I used. I sang the song slower than the original version in the verse to help feel the lyrics of the song. My friend, the pianist did some improvisation on the melody. There was no rest from the first chorus to the second pre-chorus. The last part of the song was played an octave higher than the other part of the song. This can help to produce a softer ending and give the audience some space to accept and reflect on their emotions.

Besides that, we were asked to create our own dance moves for the song that we had changed. Past research stated that sufficient physical movements can help to improve physical strength, increase body’s flexibility, reinforce homeostasis and immune system, and decrease depression and anxiety. For my song, my target clients were those people who just lost their loved ones. Therefore, the movement activity was planned to reflect and express the feelings.

After this class, I came to understand more about music and the benefits of using music to express my emotions. By changing the lyrics and expressing the thoughts and feelings you have will actually help in relieving stress and coping with problems. Different people will have different preferences of music and songs. You can try and change the lyrics of your favorite song to express your current thoughts and feelings!

Caring for a Family Member with Alzheimer's

Mon, 16 Apr 2018 00:00:00 GMT

“Alzheimer’s is the cleverest thief. It not only steals from you, it steals the very thing that you need to remember what has been stolen”

-This Book Has No Title by Jarod Kintz

It started off as something simple; difficulty in remembering words, and having trouble in recalling incidents. She showed minor signs that one would disregard as a “free package” that comes with old age. Only when she started having trouble in remembering things about her own self and forgetting names did we realize that there was something unusual in her behavior.

In 2013, at the age of 94, my grandmother was diagnosed with Stage 4, Alzheimer’s disease. As caregivers, we were educated about the disease and on how to care for the patient. However, the seriousness of Alzheimer’s did not strike us right away. We constantly found humor in everything that she did and said. For example, days when she decides that she wants to we

ar something unusual, like covering her head with a scarf when going out (which she usually doesn’t do), or when she says the funniest, irrelevant things when talking. The family would always gather to share amusing incidents involving my grandmother and have a good laugh about it.

As time went by, we could sense her agitation. The wrinkle on her forehead when she’s confused and the frustration that she exhibits when she can’t remember something made us realize that this was more serious. We started seeing things from her perspective and the seriousness of her situation became a lot clearer to us. Suddenly, the things that we found funny in the beginning didn’t seem all that funny anymore. Certain things that she did could have even landed her and the family members in danger. For example, when she forgot to turn off the stove after cooking, when she lit many candles in her room for no reason, and when she walked out of the house alone with no idea of where she was headed. Thanks to our lucky stars one family member always showed up before the situation could turn ugly.

Since then, she had to be on constant watch. We could not go more than 15 minutes without knowing where she was and what she was up to, helping her with every little thing that she needed. We were just worried for her, but she didn’t appreciate going from an independent woman to being treated like a baby. She wanted to do things on her own. This frustrated all of us; my grandmother and the family. Everybody wanted it their way, but nobody wanted to give in. When she stopped doing things that she loved altogether, we decided to change things.

We wanted things to be as normal for her as possible. So, instead of watching her like a hawk or restricting her from her favorite activities, we asked to be a part of it. She loved the idea of doing things together and that made a huge difference for her and for us.

The biggest lesson I have learned through this ongoing journey with my grandmother is that every day is a learning process and it’s important to be patient. It’s often frustrating and stressful having to repeat the answer to the same question multiple times, or getting her to go to the hospital when she insists she’s fine, but being patient, putting in a little more effort and being creative with words can get the job done.

Having the moral support of family members that care equally for her also makes this journey a lot easier. When one of us is feeling down, another person steps in and gives a hand, ensuring that we don’t burn out. And when then biggest fear about Alzheimer’s—the day she doesn’t recognize one of us—creeps in, we know that we can lean on each other.

Ying Yong's Experience in Individual Therapy

Mon, 15 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If seasons could describe my life, I believe that I went through the winter in my life. It was the hardest period that I had ever encountered. I was rejected by my loved one, had problems with two of my best friends and at the same time felt so helpless about the imbalanced lifestyle that I was having. I am an outstation student. Hence, without the support of my family, every second of my life seemed to be so tough. It was the first time I felt that there was no one I could turn to and rely on. I could not find anyone to speak to about my problems. I spent most of the nights thinking about what was going wrong in my life. I doubted myself, doubted everything I did and made myself feel more miserable. There were nights I stared out of the window crying while thinking what was the purpose of life and sadness seemed to be the only emotion I felt.

As a psychology student in HELP University, I was given the privilege to meet with a counsellor in CPCS (Center for Psychological and Counseling Services) for free. However, I never thought of meeting a counsellor until I enrolled in a MPU subject which allowed me to have a session with a counsellor. It took me a long time to finally decide to meet one. I did not want to cause any trouble to anyone as I thought that my problems were not severe enough that I would need to meet a counsellor. I thought that only people with severe mental health issues will need counselling sessions. I was also insecure to open up in front of others, especially strangers. Self-disclosure seemed to be hard for me.

I still remember how awkward it was for me to talk about myself to a counsellor in the first session. My body language gave away signals about my uncomfortableness. I felt a great distance between me and my counsellor because it was uncomfortable to be physically close with someone new. I avoided eye contact with her and I was very conscious about the words I used when I was talking to her. After the first session, I wanted to stop seeing my counsellor but I chose to give it another try anyways.

Things got better after the second session. I appreciated her efforts in guiding me to find solutions for myself without judgement and any signs of impatience. I felt that I was so weak to ask for help from others in the first session. Nevertheless, I figured out solutions by myself in the second session that made me feel a sense of independence. Throughout the sessions, there were many “Ah-Ha!” moments that I noticed the solutions could be simple. I was the one that overthought and made the problems I was facing look more complicated.

The existence of my counsellor was like a light. She guided me to the road that I decided to go and supported me throughout the journey. The biggest benefit that I gained through the sessions was realizing that our mind and emotions can play tricks on us without our noticing it. I believe that every problem will come with a solution or even multiple solutions. The reason for us to feel so helpless in finding a way out sometimes is just because of how our mind and emotions effected it. The counselling sessions that I had guided me to think from a third person’s point of view and I realized that the answers had always been there all along. After a few sessions, I noticed that I had the ability to come up with the solution by changing my point of view. I learnt to stop myself from overthinking when problems occurred. Since then, I started to be more confident in my decisions and solutions.

Standing in the Face of Criticism

Thu, 04 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Imagine standing behind the yellow line at the train station waiting to board the train. While casually looking around to pass your time, you realize an elderly woman staring at you—not the ‘I’ve seen you somewhere, but I can’t remember’ kind of stare, it’s the disapproving kind of stare that says "kids these days do not understand the word modesty". It was clear from her intense stare that she had a problem with your skin-tight pants and midriff baring top, and is quietly criticizing your choice of outfit for the day.

Suddenly, you feel your mood switch. Some kind of emotion starts bubbling inside of you. Is it fear? Embarrassment? Insecurity? Or anger? You turn back to face the front, but you just can’t stop from turning to look at her again from time to time to see if she’s still looking. Every time you catch her eyes looking at you, you feel your emotions rising. This causes an inner debate within yourself of whether to confront the woman or ignore her stares. As the train approaches, you choose to ignore the woman and board the train. However, this 2-minute incident could spoil your whole day and topple your self-esteem.

No one likes to be criticized—that is a known fact. But, why do we react to it? Why do feel the need to explain ourselves or refute the critic? Why does it matter if someone you saw in passing criticizes you? Why do you care about what they think of you?

I would like to think of it as a basic survival need. Criticism is a judgment about something I did. The reason I feel the need to react to the situation is because I perceived it as a judgement about me and my personality. Since I feel that my self-worth is being attacked, it triggers an automatic response and my natural instinct is to go into a defensive stance to protect it.

Another reason is caused by the social factor around us. The need to belong is a fundamental human need to form and maintain a relationship within the society. I want to belong to this society, and for it to accept me. Hence, I behave in such a way that is acceptable to this society. When someone is showing their disapproval towards me, it means that I am different and an outcast. So, I want them to understand things from my perspective by making a stand for myself. That way, I can secure my position in the society.

From your best friend to the stranger you see at the coffee shop, everyone is going to criticize you in one way or another. It is almost impossible to avoid criticism, but it is possible to control the way you internalize, process, and react to these situations. Words can be hurtful, so resist the urge to respond immediately by taking a step back and gathering your thoughts first. You have the power to turn these criticisms into learning experiences or opportunities for valuable discussion, so use it wisely.

Zenden's Therapy Experience

Wed, 22 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Although counseling and psychological services have existed for a good amount of time, there still seems to be an associated stigma, especially in Asian communities. Many people fail to see how the beneficial aspects of therapy outweigh any cons that people may seem to attach to it. I recently had my first ever therapy session with a trainee* clinical psychologist here at Mentem Psychological Services and I found it very insightful. Contrary to popular, I found that counseling or therapy is not only for those with severe disorders or problems, but for anyone and everyone. My therapy experience has shown me that a counselor or a therapist is an individual who can be relied upon to take a non-judgmental stance and be accepting and understanding of you and your concerns.

During my therapy session, I shared much of my personal life, issues, and worries with the therapist.

This is what I learnt from therapy and why I think everyone should experience it at least once:

I learnt about myself from a spectator perspective. There have been times that I have been unaware of how I’ve made other people feel (positive and negative) in certain situations. Therapy taught me the importance of acknowledging how my behaviours and choices affect other individuals and to communicate effectively in order to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Adding onto my previous point, I realized how human everyone is. Thus, putting myself in another person’s shoes has been effective at helping me accurately acknowledge another individuals affect. Habituating this perspective taking is what I now need to practice and develop.
The perceptions that we hold make up only our reality. Accepting and understanding that everyone has a different origin and is brought up differently has helped me reason and understand why some conflicts occur and how everyone holds different perceptions that consequently result in a unique reality. Therefore, rather than abruptly disagreeing with someone or something, I try to understand or think of the situation from the other perspective before reaching my own conclusion.
Therapy provided me with a good emotional vent. The relief you feel after pouring out your emotions through talking is no coincidence. Many of us, especially I, have a tendency to bottle up and conceal my emotions, worries, and troubles until it accumulates into a major breakdown resulting in negative coping strategies, such as, binging on a tub of ice-cream and junk food in my case. What therapy (and my psychology course) has taught me is the value of talking, the value of acknowledging your emotions and giving it a proper vent.

Many of us are lucky to have close friends that we can talk to and share our matters with, however, there are still many others who feel they do not have anyone they can talk to, no one they believe could take a non-judgmental stance. In such cases, and all others too, therapists and counselors are always there to listen and help in any way they can. So why not give therapy a chance?